…From a usually very reliable South Florida informant we’ll call Fannie Fanstheflames that former swimsuit model/nanny Elin Nordegren (Woods) has been spotted shopping around for a Tiger free lair in Boca Raton, FL. According to Miz Fanstheflames, word on the celebrity real estate street in South Florida is that Soon To Be Ex-Missus Woods is hunting for a suitable new nest in the five million clam range.
At least one previous report of house hunting rumors indicated that one of Soon To Be Ex-Missus Woods foremost requirements for a new home is that it have a guest house where Tiger can stay when visiting his cubs because who wants their always on the prowl ex-huzband staying up in their crib? No one, that’s who.
Premature reports of the erstwhile couple’s dee–vorce settlement indicated that for her troubles and public humiliations Soon To Be Ex-Missus Woods would receive a mind melting $750,000,000 plus ownership of the couple’s primary residence–where she did not beat his cheating ass down with a 9-iron–located behind the gates of an upscale community in suburban Orlando’s Windermere, FL, another more modest property located just around the corner, an apartment in a particularly swank section of Stockholm, and a small farmhouse on Falgaro Island in Sweden Soon To Be Ex-Missus Woods purchased in the days immediately following the scandalous public revelations of Mister Can’t Keep It In His Pants’ prolific extra-marital catting around. Mister Woods was reportedly to retain ownership of the former couple’s not yet completed compound on Jupiter Island, FL, as well as a property in Newport Beach, CA where he may or may not have trysted with one or more of his Harem of Hussies.
However, more recent reports state that Mister Woods isn’t even worth three-quarters of a billion bucks and that Soon To Be Ex-Missus Woods has requested approximately $100,000,000 in exchange for a trial-free dee–vorce. Your Mama would bet everything we have that Mister Tarnished Reputation does not want a public trial that might have further negative impact on what whatever lucrative endorsement deals he still has and might also have Soon To Be Ex-Missus Woods’ attorney, sending his Harem of Hussies subpoenas to appear in court to give their side of the story regarding the integrity and character of Mister Woods.
Whatever the case Your Mama thinks Soon To Be Ex-Missus Woods deserves every penny she gets. Beehawtcha earned it. There’s a moral lesson in there for all you married (ladees and) gentleman who might be considering getting a little–or a lot of–nookie on the side.