The photos of Miz Kimora Lee Simmons’ flip property on guard gated Lime Orchard road that recently hit the market with a $7,750,000 asking price have at last been revealed.
Some will say what Madam Baby Phat has done is a marked improvement over how the house looked when she bought in August of 2007, and everyone–including Your Mama know with every fiber of their being that his is insanely better than that upsetting and over done mansion she called home in Saddle River, New Jersey. However, Your Mama still thinks this is an uglee-ass brick faced half timbered quasi-Tudor tragedy with strangely mis-matched dining room chairs and too many beige chesterfields. We freely admit the house is not without its interior charms–the entrance hall is pretty great, the leaded glass windows are cool, we like the newly dark-stained floors and she’s got a nice Basquiat or two–but overall it’s kind of a mess. Eight million clams to have your swimming pool surrounded by concrete. Oh, hell no. And what are all those red vases from Pier One doing in the living room? Is that decorating or staging? Miss Phat, we know you and your nice gay decorator can do better than that.
Your Mama is also not fond of what’s been done to the kitchen. Yes, it’s better than the faux farmhouse fantasy of the previous owners, but despite 50 or 60 thousand smackers in refrigerators, this looks like the kitchen of any big ol‘ generic tract house in suburban Rancho Palos Verdes or Calabasas…fancy, expensive and well appointed, but or-dih–naree.
We can see now that Miz Simmons did indeed have the tennis court removed and replaced with a long stretch of sod. Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter love little more than a backyard tennis court but we also recognize that the previous court was wedged on to this property like a Japanese bizness man on a bullet train. Besides, not only do Miz Simmons’ pampered princesses Ming and Aoki need a place to run around in their little dee–ziner outfits and high heeled sneakers, but Your Mama imagines that our favorite blinged out beehawtcha doesn’t care to work up a sweat running around on a damn tennis court anyway.
Even though the children are less certain, Your Mama still thinks Miss Phat will manage to unload this place at a profit…Like we said before, there’s just something about these places on Lime Orchard Road that make them appealing to the rich and famous. We hear Jennifer Aniston’s latest squeezebox John Mayer is hunting around for new digs…have you seen this John Boy?
Now my little chickadees, the real question of the day is where will Madam Baby Phat and her paramour Mister Hon-soo go next? Anyone?