YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama was planning to skip down to South Beach, FL this morning to discuss the apartment of of a well known hip hopper that has hit the market on the eve of his imprisonment. But we’ll have to get to that bit o’ bidness later because deep into last night Your Mama received a covert communique from prolific tipster Vlad the Revealer who turned us on to something we find a wee bit more interesting even if some of you will not. Vlad, who now toils for Big Dave at Celebrity Address Aerial, kindly pointed Your Mama’s beady eyes and nosy nose down the the great state of Texas where professional tennis stud Andy Roddick has listed his Austin bachelor pad with an asking price of $4,000,000.
Unlike our friend Fiona Trambeau who likes anything and everything that has to do with balls, there are very few athletic endeavors that Your Mama cares to know about, watch or participate in. We do, however, l.o.v.e. the tennis. While it ain’t no thing but a train wreck and a tragedy to see Your Mama flailing about on the court in a pair of winter white sneakers and bug eyed dark glasses, it’s a treat and a dee-light to watch well–formed Andy Roddick swing his racket and serve those fuzzy little balls hard hard hard. The experience is only made more titillating knowing that at any moment the hot-headed Mister Roddick might fly off into a hissy fit, huffing, puffing and muttering indignities at the officials such as he did at the 2008 Aussie Open when he snapped at one of the umpires, “You’re an idiot. Stay in school, kids, or you’ll end up being an umpire.”
Mister Roddick, a former number one ranked player, holds the record for the fastest serve in professional tennis at a string scorching 155 miles per hour and he’s unquestionably a crack player who is consistently ranked among the top ten man players in the world. However, he just can’t seem to quite get to back to the tippy top of the tennis tour heap since winning his only Grand Slam title at the U.S. Open way back in 2003. Even still, ever since he was knee high to a two-handed backhand, the game and its exceedingly lucrative endorsements with companies like Lacoste, Lexus and American Express have been damn good to his pocketbook.
Property records reveal that November of 2003, fresh on the heels of his win at the U.S. Open, Mister Roddick forked over $1,463,000 for a waterfront property in a gated enclave along the shore of scenic Lake Austin. According to listing information and property records, the Roddick residence measures a family friendly 5,558 square feet and includes 3 bedrooms and 3 full and 2 half poopers.
An electronic gate slides open to a large motor court in front of what is essentially a very architecturally unattractive house. Sorry Andy, sweets, we think you’re aces but we’re just being honest about what we think about the wonky front facade of your house. Inside, despite his recent marriage to swimsuit moe-dell Brooklyn Decker, it’s pure 20-something year old bachelor dude day-core.
The formal living room has a comtempo-styled pool table with garish red felt as its centerpiece and the family room has a flat screeen tee-vee mounted above the fireplace and, above that, the dead head of a deer or some other animal peers out over the room. The formal dining room, all red on the walls, the rug and in the “art,” is home to a swoopy swirly sculpture that looks like it might attack someone sitting at the dining room table that itself looks like it might have been bought on sale at CostPlus. The library/office room has been turned into a poker room, natch, and the media room has a damn drum set in it. Who knew Mister Roddick banged the drums?
The master bedroom, all pumpkin, chocolate and oatmeal colored looks fine–if somewhat unfinished–at first. Then we notice that wee tee-vee on the console at the end of the bed. Wonder what that’s for? The master bathroom, all beige beige beige has a separate glassed in shower and jetted tub for two. All that’s missing from this sad pooper tableau is a tray full of men’s fragrances and body sprays by Aramis, Ikon and Axe.
A large terrace on the second floor looks out through the trees and over Lake Austin. Opposite the house, on the other side of the motor court, is a sport court where Mister Roddick can dribble and shoot and one of the bays of the garage has been, according to listing information, been converted into a full-sized work out room. Behind all that is the boat house where Mister Roddick keeps his, that’s right, his boat. Your Mama could not be more pleased that there’s not some cigarette boat or other penis substitute of a watercraft parked in the boat house because that, along with the poker, pool tables and intricately patterned and multi-colored rugs, would simply be more deep pocketed bachelorhood in one place than we could bear without the assistance of a nerve pill.
We can’t imagine why Mister Roddick–and the new Missus Roddick–would choose to sell this house. While it’s not our particular cup of architectural or decorative tea, it does look like a stellar location and a nice spot to start bringing up babies. Now listen here butter beans, Your Mama is starting any preggers rumors. We’re just saying that if these two genetically blessed youngsters wanted, they could quite easily transform Mister Roddick’s bachelor pad into a the home of a young and rich family.
His Austin digs were not, according to property records, the first house Mister Roddick bought with his tennis earnings. In October of 2001, the Nebraska born Roddick laid out $310,000 for a modest 3 bedroom and 2.5 pooper property in a gated community in Boca Raton, FL.
The newlyweds also, according to records and previous reports, have a pied a terre in New York City. In the spring of 2009 Mister Roddick, who married Miss Decker in a candlelit ceremony at his home that overlooks Lake Austin attended by pals Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf and Dame Elton John, spent about a million clams on a 1 bedroom and 1 pooper apartment in Manhattan’s Gramercy Park neighborhood.
source: Jonathan Creath / Capital City Sotheby’s International Realty