SELLER: Robert Cray
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
SIZE: 2,205 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Enchanting one story European, private and custom home on huge lot w/almost 1 acre flat with pool. An island unto itself. 3 Bds. 21/2 Baths.L.R. has beamed ceilings. & Ariz. Flagstone F.P., Wood flrs.D.R. has adjct. patio bringing in the outdoors. Kitch. has Viking Range & Sub-Zero in pantry. Sep. office/gst.hse + office/studio. Master has secret garden w/spa. Rear patio has F.P. & B.B.Q. Huge driveway w/rm. for 8 cars. Wine cellar-Pool-Zinfandel Vines ready for harvest! Views of Griffith Observ.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Three time Grammy winning R&B singer and guitarist Robert Cray recently put his sa–weet Los Feliz house on the market with a not so sweet asking price of $3,250,000. Most of y’all prolly don’t know who Robert Cray is, but if you care to, you can Google his ass and get all the information your little hearts desire. Your Mama is simply too tahrd, too bizzy, and too bitchy this morning to do that work for the children today. Sorry babies, but sometimes you gotta make your own lunch.
Anyhoo, Mister Cray and his wifey purchased this house in April of 1997 for just $800,000. Which means the couple can just about retire in high style in Honduras or some other tropical and nearly third world country on the multi-million dollar profit they’re hoping to pocket from the sale of their property. That is if they get anywhere near the asking price, which seems a little steep to Your Mama.
Located up in “The Oaks” section of Los Feliz, where a-list actor Brad Pitt maintains a multi-residence compound, Mister Cray’s house occupies a fantastic and private peninsula-like piece of property in one of the better, if not easily accessed East Side locations.
With a modest 2,205 square feet and just 3 bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms, most of you size queens will think Mister Cray’s house simply too small to accommodate the big members of your brood. But Your Mama, who actually prefers something mid-sized over airport terminal sized, thinks it’s just about right, large enough to comfortably house our small family of two long bodied bitches named Linda and Beverly and one bitchy pussycat named Sugar who would sooner claw the skin off right off your face than allow you to touch her, but not so large that Minerva the cleaning gurl would need to be up in our hair scrubbing terlits and vacuuming pooch and pussy hair more than once a week.
Keep in mind that listing information for the property indicates there is a very charming little guest cottage/office by the gigantic rectangular swimming pool and an additional office/studio that we think is attached to the detached garage. These fantastic features mean that there’s really no need to house guests in the modestly sized main house or to spread out the spread sheets on the kitchen table. So is the house really so small afterall?
Your Mama is not impressed with the interior decor of the house, but we do love the nearly kitchy, but still beautiful Arizona Flagstone fireplace and the open plan of the living and dining rooms. We also like the humongous windows, and what appears in the photos to be an easy indoor/outdoor flow, perfect for that sunny California lifestyle people West of Nevada like to poo-poo, but secretly desire.
While some of the landscaping appears to be well considered and thoughtful, for example that gorgeous patio off the master bedroom that includes a sunken spa, Your Mama would get landscaper to the stars Jay Griffith on the line as soon as the papers were signed to xeriscape the hell out of this place so that is resembled a cluster of California adobe buildings surrounded by lots of easy maintenance and drought tolerant fire bush and agave. Because, let’s be honest, it won’t be long before water in Southern California will be more valuable than oil. Once the water wars begin, get used to seeing rich people all up and down Sunset Boulevard go ape shit with desperation to buy enough water to keep their acres of lawns unnaturally green and their multitudes of mammoth motor cars spotless. Sure, we love a lovely and verdant lawn too, but Your Mama prefers to steer clear of that water shortage mess with a landscape design that needs only a few drops of water per year to sustain itself.
But we digress. It’s unfortunate we don’t have more photographs of the interior of this house because we’re aching to see the bathrooms and the kitchen, which listing information states has Viking and SubZero appliances…always good things in a multi million dollar home of any size.
Now babies, Your Mama needs to go pop a big fat nerve pill and have a lie down, so please do not disturb us with a bunch of snotty emails about how lazy we are. We do not want to hear it. Besides, you should probably be doing the job you’re being paid to do rather than sitting around your office reading this damn blog anyways. Bye now.