LOCATION: Bel Air
SIZE: 6,097 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 8 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: An absolute jewel set behind stone walls and hand hewn entry gates in the most exclusive section of lower Bel Air. Extremely romantic English Country Manor originally designed in 1927 by John Byers. Completely remodeled, meticulously maintained, & filled with incredible charm. Wonderful public rooms with every conceivable amenity. Extremely luxurious master suite with his and her baths & closets. Set amidst a one acre verdant park with water features, outdoor fireplace, meandering paths, pool & spa.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: For better or worse, Your Mama is getting on the Posh and Becks real estate crazy train. As y’all already know, they are moving to Los Angeles, Lawhd help us all. And with Becks reported $250,000,000 paycheck, these two are going to be having mountains of money to spend on a swanky home for the family.
According to reports in the Daily Mail (via Curbed LA), the footballer and his top heavy wifey with the slim hips are planning on looking at upwards of 30 (!!) properties before settling on just the right one. The Mrs. Becks has already twice toured a house once owned by Lionel Richie, but apparently nixed it because the house wasn’t large enough for visiting family and friends.
A well informed LA-based birdie told Your Mama the Beckhams were referred to their Sothebys agent (whose name Your Mama is going to keep under wraps) by none other than fellow ex-pat in reverse Madonna. One report even speculates the relocating Brits may crash at Madonna’s house in Hancock Park while they’re looking for a home of their own. Please. You’d have to be touched in the head to think this was true. Madonna is one smart and savvy cookie, but Your Mama do not see this bitch lending her house out to Chesty, Legs, and their boy brats any time soon. The last thing she wants is all those lunatic paparazzi stepping on her shrubbs and scratching the paint on the gates striving to get a photograph of Chesty’s chi-chis.
Your Mama thinks these folks are far more likely to camp out in a very dee–luxe hotel with super tight security. But, if they’re staying with anyone, you know it’s most likely to be with those TomKat people over in Beverly Hills. That’s right hunnies. As all you celebrity obsessed children know, the Hollywood Scientologist cabal, led by Tom Cruise and his “wife,” have been spending A LOT of time with the British couple. Could they be trying to convert them to the wacky ways of L. Ron Hubbard? Only those on the inside really know what they talk about while shopping at Barneys and having dinner at Cut. Time will tell babies, time will tell. But back to the real estate…
Your Mama has it on good authority that the Mrs. Becks recently toured the home pictured above, listed with super-agent Kurt Rappaport from the uber-brokerage Westside Estate Agency. The Bel Air property sits a few houses up from Sunset Boulevard and is sugar borrowing distance from Nic Cage and his much younger wife–whose house is also on the market for a reported $35,000,000. Other big name neighbors are said to include Clint Eastwood, Nancy Reagan and Jennifer Lopez, who just happens to be another high profile lady the Scientologists are (allegedly and apparently) in the midst of converting.
Another well connected tipster, who Your Mama will call Wilma Washington, has offered Your Mama a few tidbits about what Posh and Becks are actually looking for. According to Wilma, the search is being limited to Bel Air and the Holmby Hills and they are “maxing out at $15,000,000 and the inventory for what they want is very slim.”
We were thinking these two might want something glitzy and high profile. Something tres LA with a big view and serious security. We were even thinking they might end up in Beverly Park, Summit Circle or some other supremely expensive gated community up in the hills.
But according to Wilma, this house is currently at the top of the Brits’ list. So turns out this glam couple are inclined towards something restrained, dignified and very, very well bred. Your Mama guesses that if you don’t own it, you can buy with enough money.
Anyhoo, the house itself sits way back off the street with a long meandering drive through manicured gardens. Emulating an English County Cottage, the house is without a doubt well appointed and renovated to the nines, if not to our taste. There walls are covered with acres of wood paneling and, according to the listing, there are four fireplaces. Like so many rich people’s houses, this one too has toilets galore…eight to be exact.
Upstairs in the master suite, the bedroom area has a tremendous pitched ceiling, a fireplace, and a very large bathroom that contains several very interesting features including a writing desk and a large built in bookshelf for those days when you just can’t make it out of the bathroom and into the world.
But perhaps the most interesting feature of the bathroom is the mirrored ceiling. Yes children, the ceiling is mirrored. MIRRORED! Chesty can lie back in that deep, claw-footed tub and admire the extraordinary slimness of her limbs in the quietude of her large and generous master suite while her husband and boys kick a soccor ball on the front lawn. What could be better than that?
We’re disappointed not to see a tennis court, guesthouse or media room.
Your Mama will keep our eyes peeled and ears to the ground to bring you any additional information about this and other properties they’re considering. And of course, if any of you children have any information to share, get in touch with Your Mama a.s.a.p.