Since the high cost of coastal real estate seems to stir up all sorts of righteous anger and moral indignation in the children, Your Mama wants to stir that pot a bit more by heading back to the glittery shores of Malee-boo where a number of rich and famous folks are foisting their oceanfront homes on the rental market after failing to sell them.
Last week, we mentioned unlikely Tinseltown Lothario David Spade who put a fat price tag of $65,000 per month on his crib La Costa beach which he unsuccessfully attempted to sell in the summer of 2007 for $16,000,000.
Also for lease on La Costa Beach is one of the two Malee-boo beach houses (above) owned by rock star Ozzy Osbourne and his impressively ambitious wifey Sharon which they’ve had on and off the market since at least March of 2006 when it was listed with an asking price of $14,000,000. The controversy courting couple, who have recently had their new variety show called Osbournes:Reloaded banned from airwaves coast to coast, did chop the asking price all the way down to $10,995,000. But alas, the three story house remained un-bought and in October of 2008 the property was put up for long term lease with an asking price of $25,000 per month.
Listing information shows the brick-built house on bizzy and cacophonous Pacific Coast Highway measures approximately 4,500 square feet with 5 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms spread over 3 floors. Vines crawl up the walls of the small and pretty front courtyard that leads to the front door which opens into the living room and dining rooms which have been done over by the Osbourne’s nice gay decorator with a white on white day-core that includes white floors, white upholstered furniture, a white dining room table, white curtains and, well, you get the picture. There is a fireplace in the living room for those foggy mornings and chilly evenings and a row of three French doors open to an ocean front terrace where the never tan Osbournes probably never sunned themselves.
Behind the white dining room is a glimmering and well equipped all stainless steel kitchen that Your Mama feels quite certain would throw our sturdy-framed and despotic house gurl Svetlana into a screaming psychosis that could only be cured with six weeks of paid vacation in the Maldives.
The ocean side of the second floor is devoted entirely to the master suite which is, as expected, another study of white on white. Although the Shabby Chic meets Louis XIV (or XV or XVI whatever) day-core is not to our personal taste, we can recognize that the dark wood floors and the fireplace save the room from feeling like a damn icebox. There is also, according to listing information, a large walk in closet and a marble clad bathroom. The children will note the lace curtains behind the spa tub in the master bath which are, as y’all might imagine, an inexcusable offense to our rather delicate decorative sensibilities. Your Mama’s decorating rule #691: Lace curtains are always unacceptable unless in a rural funeral home or that of a spinster shut-in whose Social Security does not afford her access to cable tee-vee or the internets where he or she could learn that lace curtains are nasty.
Also on the second floor is a paneled office/library where, much to our chagrin and dismay, the Osbournes have placed a number of exercise contraptions. We certainly understand the need for tee-vee people to stay unnaturally thin (the camera adding ten pounds and all), but we really feel a better solution for the needs of a home gym could have been come up with.
The third floor, according to listing information, is comprised of 2 ocean front bedrooms that open to a terrace where one of those horrid plug in type of hot tubs has been placed. A third bedroom/office at the front of the house offers its own not particularly peaceful private terrace with a bird’s eye view of the inevitable summertime traffic snarls on the PCH.
After selling the Doheny Road house they made famous on their now defunct reality tee-vee program to make-up loving songstress Christina Aguilera in summer of 2007, Mister and Missus Osbourne decamped for the celebrity packed suburban guard gated community of Hidden Hills, CA where they reportedly plunked down around $10,000,000 for a 10,930 square foot house with a total of 6 bedrooms and 10 bathrooms.
A few miles up the beach from the Osbourne beach house is one one of the three ocean front properties owned by three time Oscar nominated actor Leonardo DiCaprio, a man whose sex appeal to the cinema going masses has never been shared or understood by Your Mama.
If the children will put on their thinking caps, they’ll recall that in January of 2007, Mister DiCaprio quietly purchased a cool and contemporary house on the Encinal Bluffs area of Malee-boo for what property records reveal was $6,350,000. His other two houses are located on Carbon Beach and behind the gates of the uber-exclusive Malibu Colony where rich and famous sun their buns free of the prying eyes of paps and regular people.
For reasons entirely unknown to Your Mama or the Dr. Cooter, Mister DiCaprio flipped Encinal Bluffs property back on to the market in November of 2008 with an asking price of $8,999,000, a figure our bejeweled abacus shows was a stunningly optimistic $2,649,000 increase over what the publicity shunning actor paid for the place just about 18 months prior. After no buyer stepped up to pay that high price, the notorious ladee’s man recently karate chopped the asking price to its current number of $7,999,000.
With no apparent buyers at that asking price either, in late February of 2009 Mister DiCaprio put the property out for long term lease with a monthly rent of $25,000. That number, big but not big for Malibu per se, not only buys gated privacy and stunning bluff top views of the Pacific Ocean, but a well proportioned and modestly sized 2 bedroom and 2.5 bathroom main house as well as two one-bedroom guest suites that share a kitchen and are located above the detached 4 car garage at the front of the property.
As just about everyone who cares anything about celebrity real estate already knows, Mister DiCaprio’s purchased his primary residence in the Bird Street area of the Sunset Strip from Madonna which he recently finished remodeling. Additionally, Mister DiCaprio also owns the house next door to his Bird Street aerie, and reportedly purchased a New York City condo in the meant to be environmentally friendly Riverhouse building in the Battery Park neighborhood.