BUYERS: Mitt and Ann Romney
LOCATION: Dunemere Drive, La Jolla, CA
SIZE: 3,009 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Rare BEACHFRONT residence featuring direct access to sandy beach, a quiet cul–de-sac location, spacious oceanfront deck, numerous patio areas with manicured lawns and mature landscaping, lap pool & spa.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Last week Your Mama received an informative communique from Glenda the Good Witch down in San Diego who forwarded an article from the San Diego Union-Tribune that revealed former Massachusetts governor and failed Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney and his wifey Ann were in the process of purchasing a ocean front hideaway in La Jolla, a ritzy and divinely bee-yoo-ti-full beach town just north of San Diego.
It took Your Mama a few days to get the details sorted out, but property records do indeed reveal that the filthy rich Romneys purchased an ocean front house on La Jolla’s Dunemere Drive. Listing information indicates the Mediterranean style house sits on a .42 acre lot, measures 3,009 square feet (approx.) and includes 3 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms. Other amenities include a 2-car garage, a land side lap pool and spa, a water side deck with panoramic views of the mighty Pacific Ocean and private stairs to the sugary sand.
Although the Republican operators live primarily in Massachusetts–and own vacation homes in Deer Park, UT and a lake front house in New Hampshire–they’ll not be starved for conservative beach buddies. See puppies, not only is that neck of the woods crawling with right leaning well to do types, the new Romney residence happens to sit right next door to the famed and much ballyhooed Cliff Robertson estate, which was scooped up by John and Victoria Miller in March of 2008 for a reported $16,500,000. The Millers are not only friends of the Romneys, they also served as financial chairs for Mister Romney’s failed run at the Whitehouse. Thick as thieves these four.
Listing information for the well located property with its dee-pressingly dated day-core indicates the seller was willing to entertain offers between $12,000,000 and $14,000,876. Yes babies, the listing really did include that silly number. Amongst real estate pee-pole, this sort of thing is called “range pricing,” and quite frankly Your Mama thinks it’s stoopid. Who in their right mind would offer a seller $14,000,876 for a property where the seller has made it perfectly plain they’d be just as happy to entertain an offer of $12,000,000? Who? Maybe in the brisk and blazing markets of a year or two ago that sort of thing encouraged multiple offers be tossed on the table. But those days are long gone for most areas and according to the records we accessed, Mister and Missus Romney paid exactly $12,000,000 for the ocean front property. Imagine that?
Clearly Missus Romney will need a talented team of nice gay decorators to get all up in there and works some shit out because this house looks like it has not been touched since 1980, the year it was built. It goes without saying all those hideous chairs and the beige rugs will be hauled out to the dumpster and Your Mama suggests that the Romney’s spend a few hundred thousand doing over the kitchens and bathrooms in a style befitting someone of their financial stature. We hope the couple will bring in a local landscaper who knows a thing or two about indigenous vegetation and do something about the paltry and pathetic landscaping on the ocean side of the house that gives the rear facade the vague visage of an upscale mobile home. Your Mama would also consider opening up the ceilings to gain some volume, particularly in the living and dining rooms. This is a single story house and there’s really no need to feel smashed down by vast planes of just slightly too low ceilings.
What we do like, of course, are the sensational views and how most of the rooms pictured open up to outdoor spaces, including the master bathroom. How nice would it be to brush and floss the choppers with the French doors flung open like that? We’re also terribly fond of the lap pool and spa area. Not because Your Mama makes desires to break a sweat swimming laps, but rather we very much appreciate and enjoy a sheltered and quiet spot to get away from the strong winds that often sweep up off the ocean.
It probably goes without saying that Mister Romney’s politics are not those of Your Mama, and we shiver and shudder at the notion mentioned in the San Diego Union-Tribune that he mightl like to establish California residency in order to step into the shooz of California Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger who leaves office in 2010. Oh dear Jeezis, please say it ain’t so. In the meantime, Mister Romney and his heavily considered coiffure are rumored to be on Republican Senator John McCain’s short list for Vee-Pee. No comment.