In case any of the children missed it, a fantastical and quite possibly grossly egregious five floor penthouse atop the Monaco’s somewhat controversial and still under construction double-towered Tour Odéon complex will be soon be available with an asking price reported to be in the blood curdling neighborhood of $475,000,000. No puppies, that was not Your Mama’s increasingly pudgy nubbins making a mistake on our worn out keyboard. No siree, Bob. Originally it was thought the immoderately prodigious penthouse of more than 3,300 square meters — that’s more than 35,500 square feet for all us Americanos — might go up for grabs with a thought-provoking price tag of a quarter billion bucks but that figure has been revised dramatically to a more gag worthy half a billion big ones.
Just for shits, giggles and economic mortification Your Mama whipped out our handy-dandy bejeweled abacus and calculated that a worker who earns the U.S.’s federally mandated $7.25 per hour minimum wage would need to work 40 hours a week for 31,499 years without a single vacation or sick day to earn $475 million. Sort of takes your breath away, doesn’t it? Anyhoodles…
Digitally accessible details of the mega-penthouse are — at least for this nosy property gossip — frustratingly few. Marketing materials do, however, reveal the penthouse pad has multi-level terraces and multiple swimming pools, one of which is depicted in marketing materials as a circular infinity-edged situation with a swooping water slide that starts on the dance floor in the upper floor disco. The slide will may seem like a ludicrous feature at first glance but imagine the convenience and ease it will provide partygoers too altered to navigate stairs or make sense of elevator buttons to take an impromptu dip. There are three bedrooms for staff — and who knows how many for residents and guests — plus unfettered access to a private chauffeur, personal caterer and 24/7 concierge services.
The penthouse was not — as the eagle-eyed kids at Curbed pointed out — planned with a private gym. That means residents will need to forgo some square footage and spend a small fortune to install one in the penthouse or — Say it isn’t so! — take their exercise with the other residents in the 70-unit complex’s state of the art fitness facility and wellness center. Half a billion bucks to watch a bunch of superrich folk in couture athletic gear sweat and grunt their way through a yoga session, Pilates routine or kick boxing class? Seriously? Not that Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter ever be in the market for a half billion dollar penthouse but, none-the-less, no thank you.
Photo: Tour Odéon