SELLER: Lance Bass
LOCATION: Mulholland Drive, Beverly Hills, CA
SIZE: 3 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Private Celebrity Compound up long drive sitting on its own promontory high above Beverly Hills on 1+ acre. Elegant 2-story main house with pool and large deck, open floorplan, chef’s kitchen, 3 fireplaces, sexy master suite. Guest House with fireplace, kitchen, bed/bath and 2nd pool, huge sep gym facility with spa-like bathroom, panoramic views on both sides of hill, extra large motor court. Incredible value even in current market. Fabulous entertaining property.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Although it’s a little upsetting to the equilibrium to do so, let’s begin the day by discussing Hollywood homosexual Lance Bass and the Bev Hills Post Office property he recently (re)listed for sale with an asking price of $3,925,000.
The former N’ Sync singer who bravely, but not very surprisingly, busted out of the proverbial closet in July of 2006, went on to become a fixture at Hollywood hotspots like Villa and Roosevelts and can currently be seen spinning, dipping and shimmying across the stage on that dee-pressing but terribly popular Dancing With the Stars program where he is making a valiant attempt to revive his lagging career.
Some of Your Mama’s older children will recall we discussed and skewered his Mulholland Drive estate way back in August of 2007 when we’d heard whispered through the real estate gossip grapevine that Miss Bass was looking to lease out his hilltop house while he was back in New York City appearing as Corny Collins in Broadway’s blockbuster musical Hairspray.
At that time, thanks to our wickedly well informed tipster Lucy Spillerguts, we also came across an old and expired listings which indicated the former boy bander had actually listed his 3 bedroom and 5 bathroom estate for sale in both in 2005 (for $4,900,000) and 2006 when he hoisted it onto the market with an asking price of $5,250,000.
Property records show that Miss Bass bought his big house in October of 2003 for $3,880,000. It does not require Your Mama flicking the well worn beads of our bejeweled abacus to understand that ol’ bug eyed Bass is going to lose his Jimmy Choos on this real estate transaction. Not only will the hefty real estate fees leave him short, he’s also going to be out for any improvements, repairs and renovations he made his 1+ acre property that includes a medium sized main house, a good sized guest house, two (two!) swimming pools and extensive gardens that require constant and expensive maintenance.
Records show the main house measures in at 3,811 square feet, but we’d swear it was bigger than that. But then again, as we said in our previous discussion, so many mens things look larger in pictures, okaaay. Anyhoo, listing information indicates the main house includes 3 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, three fireplaces and an desperately uninspired day-core that perfectly suits one of those too large suburban tract houses that litter the land. Since Your Mama worked ourselves into a lather and wore ourselves out picking apart this house last year, we won’t bother to do it again other to say that we are soo-prised that Miss Bass did not get a nice gay decorator up in his house to work out some of the more disturbing decorative kinks before re-listing his mansion. A reduced price, albeit a huge reduction, simply does not justify that dreadful coffee table in the living room or the dining room set that looks like something someone would win in the Showcase Showdown on that Price Is Right program.
Listing information also indicates the guest house, which has it’s own private swimming pool, includes a living room with fireplace, kitchen, bedroom and bathroom. Somewhere on the property, according to listing information, is a gigantic gym facility with its own spa-like bathroom where Lance can get a sweat on and then take a steam with his well-built trainer. We think this work out room may be attached to the detached garage, but don’t know for sure.
A long winding driveway terminates in a motor court large enough to park the fancy vehicles of every member of Hollywood’s alleged pink mafia. A large deck at the rear of the house provides panoramic views over the San Fernando Valley while the front of the property offers a long view over Franklin Canyon and towards the glittering lights of Beverly Hills.
Your Mama sincerely hopes that when he sells this compound like estate, Miss Bass will wise up and buy a more modest crib that will not require he sell his soul to the show bizness devil to maintain. And, as we very sincerely offered in our previous discussion, we encourage Miss Bass to let us know when he moves house so we can provide him with a long list of decorators (nice, gay and otherwise) that can help him create a much more dignified interior day-core than he currently has. Because let’s be honest children, no gay dude with this much money should be living up in a house like this. Are we right?