SELLER: Jenna Jameson
LOCATION: Sunset Plaza Drive, Los Angeles, CA
SIZE: 3,958 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Beautiful and unique combo of Hollywood circa 1920s and chic upgrades with awesome city views. Former Valentino family home, currently celebrity owned with long celeb history. This stylish Mediterranean features incredible master suite, guest apartment, third suite and two bonus rooms. Sunken living room w/ fireplace, formal dining room, den opens to spa courtyard, gourmet kitchen, 5 patios/balconies, and 2 car garage. Fully gated/sec system and private. Entertainer’s dream.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Property records show that in August of 2006, soon after famously bi-sexual porn super star Jenna Jameson announced she went splitsville with her now ex-huzband Jay Grdina, she scooped up a hideaway house on curvy, swurvy and potentially perilous Sunset Plaza Drive in hills above Hollywood for $2,700,000.
The purchase made sense at the time since the Scottsdale, Arizona based babe was reportedly “dating” L.A. based Red Hot Chili Pepper Dave Navarro and the professional fornicator was retiring and eager to break into more mainstream films that would not require she take it up the booty. However, now that the porn princess has hooked up with thick necked Ultimate Fighting Champion Tito Ortiz and will soon be pushing a screaming infant through her high mileage baby maker, she’s listed her Los Angeles bachelorette pad for sale with an asking price of $2,700,000 which can be ogled in a gorgeous virtual tour.
Say what you will about Miss Jameson’s chosen profession (and we’re sure some of you conservative types will), but above and beyond the bubble breasted babe’s rare abilities to work her pelvis like a corkscrew and moan like she really means it, this beehawtcha is an extremely savvy bizness ladee who has a fine and fat bank account that would make most millionaire wannabes weep with envy. Miss Jameson also seems to recognize that the Los Angeles real estate market ain’t climbing like it used to and the best way to unload her Mediterranean style crib is to stick an asking price on it that’s identical to what she paid for the place just two years ago. She’ll prolly loose a few shekels on the transaction, but trust me puppies, this ladee has money to burn and can well afford to take a wee hit to her bulging bank account.
A quick and lazy search of the interweb didn’t turn up any other recent celebrity owners but listing information indicates the house was once a Valentino family home (we imagine that’s Rudy Valentino) and has a long celebrity history.
Anyhoo, according to prop records and listing information, the 3 bedroom and 3.5 bathroom house measures in at a somewhat modestly sized 3,958 square feet, which is a little small for a little gal with a penchant for big things. Sitting on a steep up slope of Sunset Plaza Drive, the Mediterranean style house will not suit the weak hearted or the soft-gluted who will surely have a difficult time even getting up all the stairs to the front door without pulling a muscle or having a damn heart attack.
Additional features in the multi-story Mediterranean include a soaring entrance hall with what appears to be original tile work accents, a red and lurid powder room that would be better suited to a high class brothel in Nevada, a beamed living room with a giant arched window with glittering views over Los Angeles, a poorly decorated dining room, and a decent sized but ordinary u-shaped kitchen with one of those horrible greenhouse windows are too often filled with ceramic frogs and Precious Moments figurines. Your Mama hates these things children and we decree with decorating rule #1,057 that no kitchen should feature a garish greenhouse window over the sink.
Miss Jameson’s den has been re-worked into a slick and seXXXy media room that would be purr-fect for a sophisticated gurl on gurl scene if only Miss Jameson had not retired from the naughty film bizness. A team of nice gay decorators have outfitted the media room with black striped walls,black and white striped curtains, a zebra striped ottoman and a giant beige sofa. Also in the media room is a glossy and glitzy black chandelier, which Your Mama confesses to liking quite a bit.
Unfortunately we can’t say such nice things about the bedroom with that eye-popping lemon yellow wall. Now children, Your Mama has an unhealthy attraction to bright colors, but this screaming yellow mixed with the glammy mirrored bedside table and the black white and red bedding is a hot mess. That’s right we said it, a hot mess. But the decorating issues do not start there or end with the phone sitting on the floor in the corner. Oh no. The black and white framed image is hanging so damn high we’d surely wind up in a neck brace after kinking out neck trying to get a look at that thing and do not even get me started on that upsetting ceiling fan.
Attached to Miss Jameson’s bedroom is a monochromatic bathroom with what appears to be pickled wood walls and an itty bitty chandelier that give it a country goes glam vibe. Although Miss Jameson didn’t wear much in the way of clothing during her porn years, her large dressing room has none the less been custom fitted to store racks of clothes and all of her many pairs of sky high heels and (it has to be said) fuck-me pumps.
Your Mama hasn’t a clue where Miss Jameson and her beau-fried/baby daddy Mister Ortiz are headed, but we imagine it will be to a house where Miss Jameson will not need to pay the nanny extra to haul the Bugaboo up 49 flights of stairs just to get to the front door.