LESSEES: Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon
LOCATION: Notting Hill, London
PRICE: £4,000 per week
SIZE: 1,996 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: A simply beautiful period house which has undergone a comprehensive and exacting refurbishment programme. Benefiting from wonderful entertaining space over two floors and sumptuous bedroom accommodation this stunning property also boasts a charming private terrace. 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, reception, kitchen/dining room, terrace.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Over the weekend Your Mama received a kindly communique from a helpful Briton we’ll call Glenn Givesitup who generously hooked us over to a recent article from the Homes and Property section of the Evening Standard in which a dee–lishusly loose lipped estate estate agent revealed that American super stars Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal have leased a London love nest to the tune of £4,000. That’s four thousand bloody British Pounds per week children.
A few flicks of the well worn beads on our bejeweled abacus tells us that figure converts to an impressive $5,916 and eighty damn cents at todays rates. Again, that’s per week, puppies. Although that is obviously a mountain of money to most people, it’s probably less than the cost of the ridiculously rich couple and her two children shacking up in a swank suite at the super slick Sanderson and definitely a lot less expensive than settling in to one of the outrageously expensive and newly redesigned roof suites at the dee–voonly stuffy Dorchester.
According to the wonderfully indiscreet estate agent–who reportedly represents the property which is listed for sale at £2,795,000–the owner of the Victorian era house in the natty Knotting Hill area was thrilled when the well paid American actors turned up waving wads of dollar bills shouting, “Gimme, gimme, gimme.”
Listing information reveals the modestly sized terrace house measures 1,996 square feet spread over four floors of recently refurbished rooms. The main reception room on the raised ground floor has dark wood floors, gallery white walls, a good number of creme colored sofas and seating areas where the couple could comfortably entertain Gwynny and Madge with a few carrot sticks and some Kabbalah water. A small terrace at the rear of the room is a good spot for the notoriously private couple to be seen smooching by all the neighbors.
The lower floor has an excessively glossy, almost mirror-like floor that looks reflective enough to expose the naughty bits of skirted ladees and gentlemen. The decently sized dining area is being aesthetically abused by a glass topped table, eight dining room chairs being choked by white slip covers and a little little fixture stuck to the ceiling that is both too small for the room and, rather upsettingly, not located over the center of the table. The dining area is open to the sleek and efficient looking kitchen which features a narrow work island, some shiny white cabinets that match the glimmering floor, and a breakfast area with a barely there round glass table surrounded a set of four Philippe Starck Victoria Ghost Chairs. This all looks rather sexy (if a bit 1970s), but Your Mama would not want to be navigating that part of the house in the dim light of dawn after a long night of gin and tonics with divalicious drag star Lily Savage because we would surely be injured by that transparent arrangement of glass and plastic masquerading as a dinette set.
A petite patio off the kitchen is a good spot for the nanny to smoke a fag when the Witherspoon children’s grilled cheese sandwiches are grilling up and a narrow hallway off the dining area leads to a bedroom, a second small patio and the house’s only guest terlit. While we do appreciate that the guest pooper is quite private, it’s a long haul from the main entertaining space for a gal who’s really got to go.
The private quarters include a full floor master suite which stretches the entire length of the house from front to back and includes a clean lined en suite with beautiful wood accents, and large, lovely and, thankfully, frosted arched window and some sort of fancy square terlit that we’re sure cost nearly as much as a Mini Cooper. The top floor is accessed by a claustrophobic’s nightmare of a staircase and features a windowless bedroom and en suite that are both, thankfully, ventilated and lit by several skylights.
The talkative estate agent did not reveal how long the Americans will be in residence. Given that the house remains for purchase, it can’t be long. Presumably the property will not be shown while the panties and playthings of Oscar winning Ms. Witherspoon and Oscar nominated Mister Gyllenhaal could be peeped by the prying eyes of prospective buyers and aggressively nosy fans who think it might be cute to ring up the estate agent asking for a tour.
Back in Tinseltown, Ms. Witherspoon–who is one of the highest paid actresses in Hollywood– and her two children live in a quietly posh guard gated community called Brentwood Circle in, you guessed it, Brentwood, and Mister Brokeback Mountain has long occupied a very private property above Woodrow Wilson Drive in the Hollywood Hills that Your Mama and several of our better connected sources think he leases as opposed to owns.
The Mulholland Drive home of Mister Gyllenhaal’s rumored to be dee–vorcing parents recently fell off the MLS after having been listed for an ice age. The fine looking 5 bedroom and 3 bathroom contemporary crib was last priced at $3,150,000 after first hitting the market with a much higher asking price of $4,200,000. No word on what the Hollywood veterans will be doing with their Martha’s Vineyard hideaway.