SELLER: Natalie Portman
LOCATION: Charles Street, New York, NY
SIZE: 2,541 square feet, 2-3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Prime West Village loft in Richard Meier’s modern masterpiece. Spectacular Hudson River and park views are warmed by glorious sunsets in this exquisite home featuring 2 bedroom, a dining room (or possible third bedroom) and three full baths. The Meier-designed expansive interiors feature luxury finishes.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama is a little late to the rodeo on this one, but we’re bizzy this week. Crazy bizzy children. None the less, we have a soft spot in our dark and snarky heart for the trio of Richard Meier designed green glass towers that rise like glittering spikes along the West Side Highway in lower Manhattan and we think Natalie Portman is gor-gee-us so we thought we’d add our two cents to the pile.
Earlier this week, celebrity real estate gossip Big Daddy Braden Keil reported that Oscar nominated actress Natalie Portman put her Charles Street condo on the market with an asking price of $6,550,000. The 2,541 square foot unit occupies one-half of the fifth floor of Meier’s southernmost contemporary confection and is currently configured with two bedrooms and three bathrooms. As the listing notes, the dining room can be converted to a third bedroom, but Your Mama thinks that it would be a shame to do that if only because it would screw with the feng shui which is already severely compromised by all that glass.
Records show that Harvard educated Miss Portman purchased her sleek glass box in August of 2005. There seems to be some discrepancy as to the amount of movie money she coughed up, but suffice to say it’s somewhere between $5,700,000 and $5,804,025, which is a lot of damn dinero for a gurl who was just a dewy 25 years old when she bought the glass wrapped condo that offers long views across the mighty Hudson River to the luxurious but ass-uglee condo towers being erected along the waterfront in Jersey City.
We like Miss Portman quite a bit so we we’ll try not to draw too much negative attention to all the tufted furniture in the living room, that sad little filing cabinet sitting in the corner of the bedroom, the dizzying wall paper in the dining room, or the visually frustrating wing back dining room chairs which we’re certain would make Your Mama feel sick with claustrophobia even before the first course was served. Nor will we draw attention to the too narrow terrace or the simple fact that none of the bathrooms have windows which means they best be well ventilated mechanically or every one’s durty bizness stink will be drifting down the hall to the living room during a cocktail party.
What we do like is the overall floor plan which has an interesting division of spaces, the luscious wood floors, the stunningly saturated blue color of the velvet sofa in the living room, the all slick all white kitchen, the arrangement of small pictures into haphazard clusters, the colorful quilt (which reminds Your Mama of our dead but beloved granny) and that dumb ass wicker rocker in the bedroom. It’s not that we actually like the rocker or imagine it to be comfortable (we don’t and it’s probably not), it’s that we are almost positive it comes from Ikea and Your Mama just loves the notion that this young acktress gurl with butt loads of money took the free bus to Ikea in Elizabeth, NJ for damn wicker rocker that probably costs ten dollars.
Ironically, the famously fishbowl-like apartments have attracted privacy seeking big name buyers like Calvin Klein, Nicole Kidman and big, bad Martha Stewart’s satellite radio yakking daughter Alexis–who reportedly spent around $35,000,000 for 2 and half floors–since the day they opened their glassy doors. That trend continues with the two Heathers who recently passed muster with the board at 173 Perry. Boogie Nights babe Heather Graham (Miss Conception, Bobby, and a number of episodes of Scrubs) reportedly scooped up at a place at 173 Perry as did Heather Mills, the one legged and not very well liked by the media ex-wifey of Paul McCartney who will soon be moving into a unit for which she forked over nearly five million clams of her dee–vorce money.
Miss Portman is reported to be moving to Los Angeles in order to be closer to her beau of a few months, the arty farty folksinger Devendra Banhart. Although Your Mama thinks Mister Banhart appears to be a smart and very interesting fellow whom we would enjoy smoking a doobie with, we we just can’t imagine squeaky clean Miss Portman shacking up in Mister Banhart’s not very clean looking house in Topanga Canyon. But then again, who are we to make sense of the real estate choices of the rich and famous?