YOUR MAMAS NOTES: While chowing down on a 42-pound hamburger and a mound of cheesy fries over the weekend Your Mama received an unexpected communique via text message from friend and informant Babbling Babette who informed us that rock-n-roll superstar Slash quietly floated his Los Angeles, CA mansion on the market as a “pocket listing” with an asking price of $9,500,000.
A pocket listing, puppies, is when a person puts their property on the market but does not want it included in the Multiple Listing Service (MLS) where it can be easily located and scrutinized by the looky–looing hoi polloi.
Mister Slash, often named as one of the best electric gee-tarists of all time, earned his fame and fortune as the kinky-haired and top-hatted lead string-plucker in the phenomenally successful, notoriously volatile and long ago disbanded heavy metal hair band Guns N’ Roses. He later went on to be a founding member of Velvet Revolver and last year released his fist solo effort that features a long list of music industry luminaries including Iggy Pop, Adam Levine, Dave Grohl, Fergie and Ozzy Osbourne. In the early Noughts Mister Slash hitched his romantic wagon to a former Las Vegas lady-pimp named Perla and together they’ve made a couple of shorties.
Mister and Missus Slash regularly appear in the real estate gossip columns due to their relatively frequent buying and selling of high-priced homes. In late 2005, amid rumors of and a later filing for dee–vorce, Mister Slash paid $6,250,000 for a 5 bedroom and 6.5 bathroom mansion just above Drew Barrymore’s long-time compound in the hills above Hollywood. He soon flipped the beehawtcha back on the market for $6,995,000. Mister and Missus Slash reconciled–ain’t that sweet–and by late 2007 the price tag for Mister Slash’s erstwhile bachelor pad in the Hollywood Hills had dropped to $5,995,999. Let’s not even get into how much complicated asking prices like $5,995,999 make Your Mama need a goddam nerve pill.
Mister Slash eventually filed a million dollar lawsuit against the real estate agent who represented him in the purchase of the property alleging, amongst other grievances, that the Real Estate did not provide the accurate square footage of the house or the number of automobiles that could be parked on the property. We don’t recall the result of that suit–nor do we care to dig up the dirt–but records do reveal the property was finally sold in December 2007 for $5,725,000 to left-handed professional baseball pitcher Randy Wolf.
In January 2008 Your Mama dissed and discussed the 6 bedroom and 7 pooper contemporary crib in the hills above suburban Sherman Oaks, CA that Mister and Missus Slash bought in March 2002 for $2,150,000, listed in late 2006 for $3,995,000–later reduced to $3,750,000–and sold for $3,450,000 in October 2007.
We’re not sure where Mister and Missus Slash bunked between October 2007 when they sold their house in Sherman Oaks and March 2009 when they bought a big ol‘ a faux-Tuscan-type mansion in the guard-gated Mulholland Estates community where other celebrity and “celebrity” homeowners include letter turner Vanna White, tee-vee judge Greg Mathis, reality tee-vee queen Paris Hilton, British pop star Robby Williams and whackadoodle actor Charlie Sheen who owns two houses in the community, one of which he currently has up for sale with an asking price of $7,200,000.
Although guard-gated with 24/7 private security and popular with famous folks Mulholland Estates is a well-known magnet for freaky crimes perpetrated against celebrities. In October 2010 a man was arrested for trying to break into Paris Hilton’s house which had previously been broken into numerous times by the now-busted band of teens and young adults who made up the so-called Bling Ring. Long-time resident and Winning Warlock Charlie Sheen has had two fancy cars stolen from his driveway, one of which was driven off a nearby cliff.
Undeterred by the occasional criminal shenanigans in the high-priced community, property records show that Mister and Missus Slash bought their Mulholland Estates mansion from a heavily surgified lady named Colleen Maloof, the matriarch of the Maloof family whose original fortune derives from a beer distributorship in Albuquerque (NM) that was sold off in 2009. The Maloof family’s assets currently include a substantial stake in Wells Fargo and an entertainment production company with credits like the thankfully short-lived reality tee-ee turd Living Lohan. Until recently, the Maloof family owned the trendy Palms hotel and casino in Las Vegas lock, stock and slot machine; They now own, reportedly, as little as 2% of the slick and celebrity-friendly gambling emporium. Momma Maloof’s hard charging tinsel-haired daughter Adrienne stars on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills; Say what ye will about the Maloofs–and we’re certain some of the children have plenty to say about the Maloofs–but Adrienne Maloof–Nassif is unquestionably one of the most likable and level-headed women to ever appear on that god-awful but still completely mesmerizing reality- tee-vee franchise.
Anyhoo, enough about the Maloofs; Property records and previous reports show Mister and Missus Slash plunked down $7,300,000, in March 2009, for Miz Maloof’s Mulholland Estates mansion that the Los Angeles County Tax Man’s website shows measures 10,971 square feet and current (pocket) listing information indicates has 7 bedrooms and 8 bathrooms.
A quick comparison between listing photos from the time of their purchase and current listing photos show that Mister and Missus Slash and their team of nice, gay decorators have transformed Miz Maloof’s interiors from a mock-regal and matronly sea of beige walls, honey-colored hardwood floors, pale brocade upholstery and yard after yard of oppressive drapery into a brooding, bordello-like Gothic darkness with ebony finished floors and yard after yard of different but still oppressive drapery.
The impress the guests foyer and stair hall acts as the main traffic hub and provides access to the formal living room outfitted with a florid and fa-boo Baroque gilt-framed mirror above the fireplace and shimmery intricately patterned wall coverings. The quirky and kooky rock star style furnishings including a fringe-trimmed leopard upholstered sofa, a knick-knack covered crocodile skin coffee table (that may or may not be embossed leather or some other material), lace under-curtains with heavy tasseled drapery and a table lamp fashioned from a miniature suit of armor.
Light from a pair of drippy jelly fish-like black crystal chandeliers in the dining room shimmer dramatically off the walls lined with louche (and likely very expensive) Verre Eglomisé insets. Somewhere in the house there’s a library/office area with built-in shelves and cabinetry.
The mansion’s seven bedrooms include a high-glam second floor master suite with fireplace, built-in wardrobes, dark wood floors and an attached bathroom with glassed-in steam shower, twin sinks/vanities and a separate soaking tub. The day-core in the master suite, not surprisingly, runs toward the bawdy and gaudy with matching mirrored dressing tables posted on either side of the monolithic Neoclassical canopy bed with thick fluted columns hung with heavy-handed gold and rose colored fabric privacy panels. A beveled mirror cabinet at the foot of the bed hides a flat-screen tee-vee that magically lifts out of the cabinet at the touch of a button.
Less formal open-plan family quarters include a step-down family room with fireplace, breakfast room, and gigantic kitchen that includes two work islands, a Mack truck-sized copper pot rack, two Sub-Zero fridge/freezers plus two additional fridge drawers, 4 ovens and 4 dishwashers.
The lower level entertainment wing includes a game room with pinball machines and 8-chair poker table, fitness room, recording studio and a home theater with tiered seating where almost very seat has it’s own (probably faux) fur lap blanket.
The back of the house opens to a deep loggia with outdoor fireplace and wall-mounted flat-screen tee-vee, a pooch-sized patch of grass and a swimming pool and spa surrounded by a child-proof fencing. A built-in barbecue center off the kitchen allows tatted-up Daddy Slash to watch the children splash in the pool while he flips hamburgers and rolls hot dogs on the grill.
Even though it’s not on the open market, at $9,500,000 Mister and Missus Slash’s mansion is by far the most expensive property we know of that’s currently available. Coming in at a distant second is Mister Charlie Sheen’s long-time prosti-pad priced at $7,200,000 with the three next most expensive properties in the enclave down in the upper five million range. However, according to Babbling Babette, the industrious gal who clued us in to Slash’s pocked listed property, a certain billionaire plans to list his Mulholland Estates mansion with an asking price that hovers around twelve million clams, a price that will make the Slash’s residence look like a solid bargain. We shall see, butter beans, we shall see.
listing photos: Keller Williams