BUYER: Matthew Morrison
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
SIZE: 2 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Yesterday, while settin‘ out on our newly stained black back deck on our newly purchased, winter white Brown Jordon patio set, Your Mama received an unexpected but welcomed covert communique from the bizzy boys over at Celebrity Address Aerial who whispered in our big ol‘ ear that Broadway baby turned toothy television star Matthew Morrison and his six pack abs recently purchased a new pad in Los Angeles, CA.
Mister Morrison, who appeared on last night’s 2010 Tony Awards program singing his little heart out, got his start in the bizness of show hoofin‘ it in a number of big Broadway musicals including Footloose, The Rocky Horror Show, and Hairspray. The talented triple threat received a Tony nomination for his 2005 role in The Light in the Piazza and just before donning his teacher duds for his starring and Golden Globe nominated role as Spanish teacher/show choir instructor Will Shuester on Glee–hands down the gayest show currently on the boob-toob–he appeared shirtless in yet another Broadway revival of South Pacific.
But it hasn’t all been entertainment hearts and flowers for Mister Morrison who paid his dues in the early 2000s when he made the mistake of joining up with the hare brained boy band LMNT–that’s pronounced “element” in case any of the children care–and in 2006 he made another professional bungle when he made a blessedly brief dash through the high camp soap story As the World Turns. All of which, it must be said, add up to make Mister Morrison seem a little light in the loafers. However, and although it ain’t no body’s bidness but his own, Mister Morrison would like folks to know that despite, his firm, gay porn star body, manicured chest hair, generously gelled coiffure, predilection for showgirl head dresses and jazz hands, and his love of singing show tunes and obvious talent for twinkle toeing it on stage, he is not a homosexual. Okaaay?
Anyhoo, let’s get back to the real estate matter at hand. According to property records, in early March of 2010 Mister Morrison paid $1,193,000 to purchase a newly renovated residence in a somewhat out of the way and essentially unglamorous section of the Hollywood Hills. The charming and modest Monterey Colonial, built in 1941, sits down a long, gated and circular driveway on a property that encompasses 11 separate, itty-bitty lots that total over an acre. The nicely tucked away property should afford Mister Morrison all the privacy he wants and requires should he ever be inclined to garden in the nood or wash his car in a barely there, booty hugging bikini bathing suit. The traditional crisp, white brick and clapboard exterior is set off by deep forest green trim work. The bland landscaping is not doing the house any favors and Your Mama recommends Mister Morrison rip it all out and replace it with something a bit more xeriscape-y or desert appropriate because we think these Monterey Colonials looks so nice with spikey and cactus-y plants.
The front door opens directly into the “formal” living room that features tumbled stone tile flooring, white walls, and a brick fireplace flanked by some not particularly attractive built-in cabinets. Listing information indicates there is a dining room as well as a family room that Staging Lady in a Pink Toyota set it up as a family room with a big, stain hiding chocolate brown velvet sectional sofa. Beyond the family room and through a wide doorway, a bright, well-equipped kitchen has raised panel cabinetry–cream colored on the wall side, ebony on the island–white counter tops, vaulted and sky-lit ceiling with exposed beams, high grade appliances, a breakfast bar, and a series of long, narrow windows that wrap around the front of the house and look out on the motor court and detached two-car garage. The children will notice that at the peak of the vaulted ceiling someone has installed track lighting. Who does that? Who installs track lighting in a newly renovated house? Seriously, is this 1988? Your Mama expects Mister Morrison will request his nice, gay decorator to replace the track lighting with something more appropriate.
Upstairs, according to listing information, are two large bedrooms, each with chestnut colored hardwood flooring and each with a private pooper. One bedroom has a fireplace and both, as best as Your Mama can tell, open on to the narrow balcony that runs along the front of the second floor, a perfect place to greet the rising sun of the morning or to smoke a post-coital cigarette.
Additional amenities of Mister Morrison’s modest if not inexpensive new nest include a powder pooper, indoor laundry facilities, central heat and air, a “bowling green” sized lawn at the front of the house and what appears to be an old-school built in barbecue in the small courtyard area between the garage and the house. And too, let’s not forget that long, long, long driveway down which Mister Morrison can practice his shuffles, slides, spins and tap dancing moves.