YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Based on a recent report in the U.K.’s naughty naughty naughty tabloid the Mirror, those bizzy boys at Celebrity Address Aerial tracked down a newly completed condo in West Hollywood, CA they felt deep in their celebrity real estate seeking souls had been purchased by Dancing With The Stars dancer Derek Hough. Within minutes Your Mama had rooted out the property records that confirm the ballroom booty shaker did indeed shell out $650,000 for a townhouse-style condo smack on the border of West Hollywood and it’s nittier-grittier sister-city Hollywood.
Just a baby-faced boy of 25 Mister Hough has achieved more than most ever will in a lifetime, partick iffin one’s heart desire to be a professional toe twinkler. He’s a world champion in Latin American Dance–that’s the samba and the cha–cha and what have you–he’s starred in a production of Footloose: The Musical on London’s West End (Oh, gawd!), and in November of 2010 he and celebrity-partner Jennifer Grey won the 10th season of Dancing With The Stars. Hoo-ray for Mister Hough.
Since bursting onto the ugly stage of stardom with his toothy smile and baby blond hair poor Mister Hough has combated rumors in regards the gender of his romantic partners. This confusion about his alleged bedroom activities–which aren’t the bizness of Your Mama or anybody else to be sure–might be because he swivels his hips suggestively on national tee-vee in a manner few heterosexual men can or would dare. It also may or may not have something to do with the fact that Mister Hough bears the classic face and hairless body of a not particularly articulate but well-endowed twinkie gay porn star. Whatever the rumors–and whatever the truth–he’s widely reported to have had relationships with a number of hot-bodied babes including British actress India de Beaufort, Polish dancer Aneta Piotrowska and American d-list actress Shannon Elizabeth. Currently he mixes it up with British pop star/X Factor judge Cheryl Cole who, reportedly, will be shacking up in unmarried sin with Mister Hough the Mormon.
As fascinating as his proclivities may be to speculators, it’s his recent real estate doings that concern Your Mama most. Property records show that in mid-November 2010 Mister Hough acquired townhouse-style condo in a stylish and architecturally forward thinking complex in West Hollywood. The unit was once listed at $799,000 according to marketing materials and records reveal the lithe hoofer spent $650,000 on 1,683 square foot residence spread out over three full floors. Listing information indicates the monthly fees come to $310.63.
Listing information shows the unit purchased by Mister Hough has 2 bedrooms, 2.5 poopers, a voluminous and sky-lit ceiling above the clean-lined kitchen, open tread staircases, hickory wood flooring in the living room, a lower level bonus room and two side-by-side private parking spaces in the secured garage.
The children need to keep in mind that listing and/or marketing photos may not depict the actual unit that Mister Hough purchased so before any of y’all who want to get smart and snappy and start dissin‘ on the dust ruffle around the bottom of the bed we suggest you follow Your Mama’s sage advice: Wise up, bird brains. It ain’t Hough’s dust ruffle. It belongs to The Staging Lady in a Pink Toyota. Okaaaaay?
Your Mama has one more piece of unsolicited and free words of wisdom, this time for Miss-Missy Cole: We don’t know you Miss Cole and to be honest we’d never even heard your name before this morning but we’re gonna offer you a shining pearl of unsolicited and free advice anyway: Your better watch yourself, hunny, and not get all your crap cluttering up the counter top in the bathroom because young Mister Hough has a habit of trading in his ladee friends at a fairly rapid rate. Don’t be done in because you was too damn lazy to put your Max Factor away.