YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Back of April of 2009, Your Mama discussed the behemoth and boojie boo-teek hotel sized Prosper, TX home of former professional athlete Deion Sanders. Now, word comes a-slippin‘ and a-slidin‘ down the gossip grapevine that Mister Sanders and his wifey Pilar recently bought a glassy doo–plex penthouse in an uptown Dallas apartment tower called Azure and then flipped it back on the market with an asking price of $7,500,000.
We first heard of the sky-high and high-priced listing from Donald Doesdallas who linked us over to Your Mama’s favorite Lonestar State real estate gossip Candy Evans who–as per usual and like the white on rice–was all over this real estate scoopage several days ago.
As best as Your Mama can tell from our interweb research is that Mister Sanders picked up the penthouse in July of 2008 for an undisclosed amount of money but one we’d bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly was nowhere near it’s current asking price. The deed for the doo–lex penthouse is held by a bidness entity whose address, according to The Taxman in Texas, links directly back to Mister Sanders’ spread in not particularly prosperous Prosper. Plus, Mister Sanders’ name is all over property records Your Mama located with another of our trusted internets resources.
The Taxman in Texas shows Dee-on’s building topper has 3 bedrooms, 3 full and 2 half poopers, 2 fireplaces and 5,081 square feet. Listing information shows the 30th floor penthouse measures 5,025 square feet and includes 3 bedrooms, 4.5 poopers and 6 private parking spaces. A quick look at the Azure website turns up a floor plan that clearly shows three bedrooms, each with a huge private pooper and walk in closet, a fourth full in penthouse’s second floor lounge, and a powder pooper just off the foyer where guests can do their after dinner dirty bizness without having to traipse through one of the bedrooms. The floor plan also indicates that there are four fireplaces–two inside and two outside.
The main level of the penthouse is entered through a proper foyer that, Your Mama regrets to inform, has a black marble tile floor and at least five wavy, bronze colored “art” pieces tacked up on the wall. Lo-ward children, didn’t people stop putting down glossy, black marble floors back in the 1980s? Well, iffin they didn’t, they should have.
The living and dining room is an erratically shaped and voluminous space with both right and oblique angles and a long curving wall of glass through which all of Dallas can be. Whatever warts and flaws this penthouse may have–and it does have some–the view is certainly not one of them even if the Dallas skyline isn’t quite as dramatic as that of New York, San Francisco or even Chicago. The interior focal point of the living/dining room is the fireplace, which provides a nice intimacy against the theatrical view. To the right of the fireplace a door opens out to a small terrace that, according to the floor plan, is appointed with an outdoor fireplace. The well equipped kitchen is the literal and proverbial center of the penthouse and the hub around which all rooms orbit. It has been fitted with chocolate brown, flat fronted cabinetry, white and grey veined marble counter tops, and includes a breakfast counter and all the stainless steel appliances that had better be in a $7,500,000 penthouse kitchen including a six foot tall wine refrigerator.
The kitchen is open to the family room, which has a third fireplace and a wall of floor to ceiling glass that opens to a covered portion of the 1,700+ square foot terrace that wraps around the lower level of the penthouse. Just outside the family room is yet another outdoor fireplace. Two of the three bedrooms lie beyond the family room and both are functional as master suites since both have double door entrances, bedroom chambers large enough to contain a seating area, access to the terrace through towering glass walls, large walk-in closets and identical marble and glass poopers with vast walls of–you got it–floor to ceiling glass. Now listen chickens, Your Mama is quite sure that’s it’s fine fine fine to shower and use the terlit in a big ol‘ bathroom with an unobstructed and eye-popping view of Dallas. However, we are more than a little concerned about one of those bathrooms in particular given that di–rectly on the other side of the wall of glass is the terrace. That means that Mister or Missus Sanders or one of their house guests could be in there brushing their chompers or cleaning other parts of their bodies and have Carlos–the man who takes care of the plantings on the terrace–stroll on by like it was the Red Light District in Amsterdam. Maybe, and for seven and a half million calms we hope, that all that glass frosts up at the flick of a switch providing a modicum of privacy for the otherwise dee–luxe, if a bit mausoleum-like pooper.
Anyhoo, the vast roof terrace can be accessed via the staircase in the living/dining room that climbs up into a glass enclosed landing or by the private elevator that lifts residents and guests from the hallway leading to the two master suites up into a little lounge that features a wet bar and, thank heavens, a pooper. Your Mama does not need to tell the children that it would be impolite for someone with the means to afford this penthouse to force a guest to wait for the damn elevator when they’ve got to wee wee so bad they can’t stand up straight.
A swimming pool has been installed on the roof terrace, a prairie-like space far larger than most people’s homes. That’s right children, a swimming pool, way up on the 30th floor of a high-rise building in uptown Dallas. We know that a team engineers went wild making sure the structure can support the weight of a swimming pool on the roof and we’re sure that all is safe and sound but Your Mama would not sleep a single wink in the bedroom that sits directly underneath the swimming pool. In fact, not even a debate team captain could convince us to use the damn terlit in that room even if the fear of being deluged didn’t bind us all up like a fat man wedged into one of them unforgivably tiny airplane seats.
Speaking of airplane seats, did y’all read on the interweb news that those moe–rons at American Airlines are gonna start charging people eight damn dollars for one of them tissue sized blankets they used to hand out for free? Eight dollars! As a result of that insanity, neither Your Mama nor the Dr. Cooter will be flying American Airlines anymore. There are plenty of other airline companies to choose from, thank you very much. Jeezis. First they narrow up the already cartoonishly small seats, then they demanded a buck or two for the punishment of using one of their nine-cent head sets, then they started making you pay boo-coo bucks for crappy food and now they want eight more clams for a damn blanket? Are they serious? What’s next, are they going to start charging a few bucks for a vomit bag and another five or six dollars just to use the damn terlit? Pleeze. But that’s really another rant for another place so let’s move on.
It’s unclear to Your Mama why Mister and Missus Sanders would buy this penthouse and we have no idea if they’ve ever slept a single night in the aerie. Your Mama don’t know a chandelier from a rake about real estate down in the T-X but Donald Doesdallas does and he snickered that Mister Sanders is a damn fool if he thinks he’ll get anywhere near the $7,500,000 asking price. If he’s right, Mister and Missus Sanders will be sitting on two real estate white elephant because their 10 bedroom and 9 full and 4 half pooper pile in Prosper is still languishing on the market with a bloated asking price of $21,000,000. Your Mama wishes the Sanders some good old fashioned real estate luck. It looks to us like they just might need it.