SELLER: David Hasselhoff
LOCATION: Louise Avenue, Encino, CA
SIZE: 8,947 square feet (as per listing), 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Seldom offered exquisite “Trophy” estate on over a flat acre. Enter through gates to a tree lined drive and find a gorgeous two story five car garage home. The interior offers a perfect balance for families and entertaining. Public spaces include a screening room, formal dining, office and gourmet kitchen. Four bedrooms and an incredible Master suite with his and her bath and dressing rooms. There are two guest houses, a N/S tennis court, pool, spa and verdant lawns.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: As is often and usually the case when marrieds go splitsville, the once happy marital home gets put on the block which is exactly what happened back in August of 2008 when a judge decreed that usually shirtless actor/singer David Hasselfhoff and his then soon to be ex-wife Pamela Bach were to sell their long time estate in Encino, CA. At the time, the feuding between Mister and Missus soon-to-be-ex-Mrs. Hasselhoff was about at what price the property was to be listed. He wanted to list the 5 bedroom and 5.5 pooper property at less than five million clams and she believed the 1+ acre flag lot spread on Louise Avenue was worth close to eight million smackers. Your Mama thinks ex-Mrs. Hoff was living on another planet if she thought her house was actually worth 8 million bucks and someone else obviously agreed with us because the Hoff House quietly came up for sale in August of 2008 with an asking price of $5,950,000 and then hit the open market in early 2009.
For some reason(s) entirely unknown to Your Mama, The Hoff House was only on the market for six short days before any and all trace of it disappeared from public listing sites like the MLS and Redfin. We quickly forgot about the property–as well as Mister Hoff who makes Your Mama need a full strength nerve pill–until yesterday afternoon when we received a covert communique from Vivian Valleydweller who whispered in Your Mama’s big ear that the Hoff House had been re-hoisted back on the open market with a new, improved and significantly lower asking price of $4,195,000.
If Your Mama is being honest, and we always are, we really don’t understand Mister Hasselhoff’s appeal. However, not only has he made boo-coo bucks starring in and producing surprisingly and seriously successful television programs like Knight Rider and Baywatch, but in the late 1980s and 1990s he was also a gold (and platinum) record making pop singer in Europe, specifically in Germany and Austria. If someone can explain that phenomena to Your Mama, please do. More recently Mister Hasselhoff is known for his boozy and embarrassing antics (for which we sincerely hope he’s gotten help) and for being a judge on that distressing Gong Show wannabe America’s Got Talent, a program Your Mama would have to be falling down drunk to watch.
Anyhoo, property records reveal that The Hoff and the ex-Missus Hoff paid $1,980,000 for their quasi-Colonial style estate in 1996 when they bought it from actor John Goodman. There is some dispute over the actual size of the manse. Property records show it measures, 6,148 square feet, listing information provided to Your Mama by Shanda Leer back in January of 2009 show it weighs in at a hefty 9,770 square feet and current listing information we received from Babbling Babette indicates is spans 8,947 square feet.
The two-story Hoff House of Marital Horrors stands at the end of a long, gated, celebrity-style and tree-lined driveway that makes a giant circle at the front of the house and leads to garaging for five automobiles off to one side. Pleeze Jeezis tell Your Mama that The Hoff does not keep one of those KITT cars in the garage like bearded former boy-bander Joey Fatone does. The front door has been done up in classic Colonial style with a swoopy and pointy scroll pediment which has been painted a traditional black color, as have the shutters. However, any trace of a dignified Colonial style architecture ends right there because immediately upon crossing the threshold it’s pure suburban tract mansion all done up high-end Home Despot style in a bazillion shades of beige.
There are intricate wrought iron railings and balustrades like those found in newly constructed McMansions everywhere, a living room with pretty hardwood floors, a tall wall of windows topped by a trio of arched windows, and a compact car sized crystal chandelier. The children will note the huge and glittery chandelier is excluded from the purchase of the home which means the new homeowner will need to provide their own tacky light fixture. The 22-foot long dining room seats 8 (or perhaps 10 in a pinch), and the large, well-equipped but unfortunately uninspired kitchen has a light brown tiled floor, honey colored raised panel cabinetry topped by sand colored granite counter tops and is open to the breakfast room that looks out towards the verdant lawns in the big back yard.
Other rooms include a small office off the foyer, a 750 square foot great room with dark taupe wall to wall carpeting, a fireplace and some funky-ass furniture including what appears to be a wacky fur covered ottoman sitting in the center of the room, a “bonus room” with a built-in bar where The Hoff probably spent a lot of time and where he has hung all his gold, silver and platinum records, and tucked back behind the kitchen and garages is the laundry room and a small den or staff room with private pooper.
Accessible by staircase or elevator are three family bedrooms on the second floor that share two poopers and a sprawling master bedroom complex comprised of a 35-foot long bedroom with dark wood floors and a fireplace, a private balcony, an office, two bathrooms including one with beige marble tile floors and a shower with hey-noose brass accents, at least three walk-in closets (because all of The Hoff’s Speedos take up a lot of room) and a second, private staircase that descends into the kitchen.
The grounds include a free form swimming pool and spa, a lighted north/south oriented tennis court and not just one, but two guest houses. Your Mama is not fond of this particular property but if there’s anything we love more that a guest house it’s two guest houses. One has been done up for guests and the other The Hoff uses as a gym to keep his aging pectoral muscles swimsuit ready just in case someone foolishly decides to bring back Baywatch.
Now that the Hasselhoffs are no longer Mister and Missus we really haven’t any idea where either of them have moved. If we had to guess, we’d guess that ex-Mrs. Hoff stayed in the Valley where she’s probably got long standing relationships with her manicurist and masseur and we’d guess that Mister Hoff moved to Malee-boo where he can strut his hairy stuff and pick up on much younger bikini-clad bee-hawtchas hoping someone foolishly decides to bring back Baywatch so they can get their big break strapping on a red bathing suit cut up to here and down to there, jogging up and down the beach for no reason whatsoever, and vying for the attentions of old man Mitch Buchannon. Ugh.