SELLER: Danny DeVito and Rhea Pearlman
LOCATION: Park Encino Lane, Encino, CA
SIZE: 1,837 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: An incredible opportunity is offered. This penthouse unit features a spacious, sun filled living room with Cathedral ceilings with clearstory windows; Large eat in kitchen with laundry room; Master suite with walk-in clost and bath, clearstory windows in the master bedroom too, separate and private from the 2nd large bedroom suite, beautiful, serene views of the ine trees. Balconies in the front and back of the unit.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Listen children, Your Mama is sicker than a dog today, so by necessity we’re going to try to be brief, which y’all know is not one of our strong points. Some of you will surely whisper to each other (and prolly to the press) that Your Mama ails due to a too generous intake of gin and tonics. And that’s just fine, gossip as you please. However, our story is that we ate some bad chicken last night and we’re sticking to it.
Now then, before we head back to the bed to nurse this gastrointestinal grotesquerie, we want to pass along a bit of celebrity real estate information we received yesterday from a gal we like to call The Governess who gleefully informed Your Mama that diminutive actor Danny DeVito and his equally wee wifey Rhea Pearlman have recently listed a condominium in Encino.
Yes children, Encino.
Contrary to popular scuttlebutt, Your Mama does not personally know Mister DeVito or Miz Pearlman, therefore we are unable to speak with any authority or certainty as to why the rich and famous shorties would own an ass uglee condominium in Encino. However, we will speculate that this “penthouse” unit was perhaps (perhaps, puppies, perhaps) occupied by someone on the DeVito/Pearlman staff whose compensation included housing. Or maybe (maybe!) one of the DeVito/Pearlman off-spring shacked up here. Or maybe it was just an investment property. Who knows? Not Your Mama.
What we do know is that according to property records, the itty bitty film and television powerhouses purchased this 1,837 square foot condominium on Park Encino Lane back in January of 1998 for $350,000. Listing information indicates that the two bedroom and two bathroom unit currently carries an asking price of $750,000. Sounds like a nice return on their investment. However, given that Your Mama does not know shit from shy-nola about condominiums in Encino, we’ll leave it up to all the San Fernando Valley apartment dwellers and real estate experts to decide whether that’s a realistic asking price or not.
Listing information also indicates the unit is sun filled and has clearstory windows in the living room and master bedroom. Yes puppies, we’re used to seeing that type of window spelled “clerestory” too, but a quick scan of the internets and we learn that “clearstory” is also an acceptable spelling for that architectural innovation. I guess that proves Your Mama is never too old or too sick to learn something new.
Anyhoo, while living up in a condo like this in the suburban wilds of Encino would be akin to residing in the seventh level of Hell to Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter, it’s not all bad. It is located on the top floor which, of course, eliminates the need to work our voodoo doll black magic on heavy footed upstairs neighbors, there are private poopers for each of the bedrooms, the ceilings are sky high and decent sized balconies at the front and the back of the unit provide excellent spots to look at pine trees and smoke illegal substances…all good things. On paper.
However, among other details, we are concerned with the Oatmeal colored carpet (we’re not a big fan of wall to wall even if it is the same benign color as a wholesome breakfast food) and we’re deeply unhappy about the dated kitchen cabinets and black appliances. Nothing that money can fix, but given our upset stomach it just seems too much to consider at this point and time.
In other real estate news related to the DeVito/Pearlmans…Their big house/compound on Ridgedale Drive in Bev Hills remains on the market with the big asking price of $31,900,00.
Off we got to pour some Milk of Magnesia down our gullet. And please, children, Your Mama begs of you, talk quietly among yourselves until we feel like we don’t want to vomit every 10 minutes.