SELLER: Anthony Zuiker
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA (Brentwood)
SIZE: 6,689 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Boob-toob bigwig Anthony Zuiker—he created and executive produces the entire, wildly successful and forensic pathology-focussed CSI television franchise—must really want to unload his house because last week he and estranged wife Jennifer heaved and hoed their once-happy family home in Los Angeles, CA mansion on the (open) market with a $7,595,000 price tag, a big figure to be sure but one that none-the-less represents a multi-million dollar punishment to their pocketbooks.
Property records and other online reports from the time of Mister and Missus Zuiker’s August 2008 purchase of the East Coasty-y center hall-style Colonial show they paid powerful celebrity talent manager and producer Rick Yorn a whopping $9,350,000 for the less than ten year old residence on a pie-shaped .36 acre lot near the tail end of a famously celebrity-lined street in the semi-bucolic, blessedly-quiet, family-oriented and decidedly-posh Brentwood area of Los Angeles.
A few quick flicks of the well-worn beads on Your Mama’s bejeweled abacus indicates that even if Mister and Missus Zuiker’s top-selling real estate agent pulls a rabbit out of a hat and snags a full price sale, they’re still looking at a minimum financial gut punch of $1,755,000, not counting carrying costs, upkeep and upgrades, maintenance and improvements, decorating expenses, and real estate fees that at current rates could easily balloon in to the hundreds of thousands of dollars.
It aint’ none of Your Mama’s beeswax and this here is mere speculation, of course, but previous reports in the tabloid media indicate Mister and Missus Zuiker’s willingness to sell their Brentwood bedsit at such a substantial loss may (or may not) have something to do with their ongoing and contentious prenup-less divorce that has the spendy soon-to-be-ex-Missus Z. whining about how Mister Z. canceled her status-granting Amex Black Card and refused to pay the $181,000-plus bill she ran up buying collectable pieces from deceased fashion designer Alexander McQueen’s final (Fall 2010) collection.
Anyhoo, current online listing information shows the hedged and gated two-story residence spans 6,689 square feet with 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, an additional staff suite with bathroom plus traditional 6-over-6 sash windows throughout, three fireplaces, and a front-facing three car garage with an in-your-face presence only marginally minimized visually by its staggered set back.
The side light-flanked front door opens to high gloss medium-brown wood floors that extend into the formal living and dining rooms that open off opposite sides of the double-height entrance hall. A small library/den/man cave beyond the formal living room has a deep bay window, French doors that open to a small stone patio at the front of the house, a wall of built-in wood cabinetry and bookshelves, and an old-school, full-sized console video game.
The less-formal family quarters—no less decoratively done-done-done in the same rustic farmhouse elegance crossed with a variety of Zen-Asian objet as the more formal public rooms—stretch spaciously along the rear of the residence open through a series of French doors to the flagstone entertainment and lounging terrace that extends off the back of the house and surrounds the petite, free-form swimming pool.
The hardwood floors in the formal areas extend into the family room where bookcases and storage cabinets are recessed into the walls on either side of a flat-screen tee-vee mounted over the fireplace. A double- or triple-wide opening opposite the fireplace connects the family room to the family-sized breakfast area that merges into the all-but-all-white kitchen complete with grey-veined white marble counter tops, glass fronted upper cabinets, a full complement of commercial-style stainless steel appliances, and a massive center work island the size of a small Mercedes.
Upstairs four family/guest bedrooms share several bathrooms while the expansive master suite offers its multi-millionaire occupants a private sitting room, separate bedroom with vaulted ceiling, fireplace, French doors and private balcony, a room-size walk-in closet/dressing room, and a modern-take-on-traditional-style en suite facility with twin sinks and vanities, a free-standing soaking tub big enough for two (smallish) people, and a separate shower.
Unfortunately for those who prefer to do their outdoor living/dining/entertaining primarily in the privacy of their backyard, much of this property’s outdoor space is eaten up by the deep front yard that curves gently around the somewhat symmetrical front façade. Between the house and the vine-draped perimeter privacy wall that runs along the street a wide swathe of pancake flat lawn begs to have a thicket of croquet wickets thrown down and a tight but bulbous motor court provides a bit of off-street parking in front of the garage.
The angular, triangle shape of the less than huge backyard is softened by thick and high privacy hedges and mitigated somewhat by the amoebic flagstone terrace that runs along much of the rear of the house and surrounds a vaguely boomerang-shaped free-form swimming pool and slightly elevated circular spa.
The Zuiker ‘s residence sits surrounded by expensive mansions and mini-estates owned by a variety of Tinseltowners and media mavens who include Arianna Huffington and Maria Shriver who paid $12,220,000 for her newly-constructed abode last summer in the wake of her ugly split with former California governor/muscled-up action flick star Arnold Schwarzenegger. Also in the immediate ‘hood and general vicinity are properties owned by Ricki Lake (who bought her house from Courtney Cox), Helen Hunt (who sold her previous residence in the Hollywood Hills to Justin Timberlake), Toby Maguire (who bought a vacant lot in early 2008 for $10,000,000 that, as far as Your Mama knows, remains vacant), super-producer Steven Levitan (Modern Family, Just Shoot Me, Frasier), and Tom Cruise’s first ex-wife Mimi Rogers.
Your Mama, who does not know a donkey from a broom, has no inside intel on Mister and Misssus Zuiker’s future and individual real estate plans but we do know from property records they also own a couple of houses in hot-as-Hades Henderson, NV including a 4 bedroom and 4 bathroom tract home bought in July 2003 for $460,500 and a 7,353 square foot mansion with 4 bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms that backs up to a golf course in a tightly-packed gated enclave and was purchased in April 2002 for $2,000,000.