SELLER: Glenn Beck
LOCATION: New Canaan, CT
SIZE: 8,720 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 5 full and 3 half bathrooms
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Thanks to Big Dave over at Celebrity Address Aerial, who recently sent Your Mama a most lovely missive, we’ve learned that the eerily successful, pasty faced right wing crybaby Glenn Beck has listed his family manse in New Canaan, CT with an asking price of $3,999,000.
Mister Beck is, of course, the conservative/libertarian darling of the allegedly fair and balanced Fox News who regularly espouses provocative and sometimes contradictory points of view that include–but are hardly limited to: Believing global warming is a “manufactured crisis“; Suggesting on national tee-vee that the U.S. government is building FEMA concentration camps in an effort to institute a totalitarian state, a statement he has since denied and retracted; And repeatedly putting forward the notion that Obama’s nearly dead in the water health care plan is a Trojan Horse designed to make reparations for slavery. Listen chickens, Your Mama does not want to get into a heated political debate because this is neither the time nor the place to do so. However, even though we do actually believe that Mister Beck sincerely thinks of himself as an American patriot standing up for all that is right and good in this country, we’d be lying like a rug if we didn’t say that we think 99 percent of what Mister Beck tearfully moans and groans about on the boob-toob ain’t nuthin‘ but a heaping pile of steaming dog poo.
Anyhoo, according to public property records, the former Catholic turned Mormon and his second wifey Tania purchased their 2.87 acre property in December of 2005 for $4,250,000. A few flicks of the well worn beads on our bejeweled abacus reveals that even at a full price sale at it’s current asking, Mister and Missus Beck are looking at a $250,000 loss plus the fat real estate fees that will need to be paid. But don’t none of you children cry over Mister Becks financial loss because it ain’t nuthin‘ but spilled milk. According to the folks at Forbes, Mister Beck hauled in around $23,000,000 in 2008 and will likely pocket much more in 2009. So, you know, he can well afford to take a quarter million dollar hit on his damn house without anyone feeling the least bit sorry for him because ain’t none of his four children gonna go hungry or without adequate health care.
Listing information shows the 4-floor, 16-room Colonial style house was built in 2004, measures a sizable 8,720 square feet–or 11,320 square feet depending where on the listing one peeps–and includes 6 bedrooms and 5 full and 3 half poopers. Your Mama imagines that with 8 damn terlits Missus Beck is either a bizzy little bee scrubbing all them terlits or they’ve got a part-time minimum wage gurl whose only responsibility is brushing up the bowls several times a week.
Listing photos of the recovering alcoholic and drug addict’s lake front mansion are few, but it’s really not much of a surprise to Your Mama that the day-core of what we can see runs toward the traditional and the patriotic with herringbone wood floors, a large, antique looking American flag in the foyer, a dignified moss green paint on the walls in the living room and at least 4 fireplaces. We’d bet our long-bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that there is at least one Barca-damn-lounger in the house too.
Other amenities at the well-groomed Beck estate include, according to listing information, garage parking for four cars, four (or more) fireplaces, a full, finished walk-out basement, a second floor laundry facility, and a finished attic space. Given Mister Beck’s lightening rod status, we imagine he’s had the security beefed up to Fort Knox standards and any of the children who might have the damn fool notion to drive by Mister Beck’s house ought to remember that Mister Beck believes whole heartedly in the Second Amendment and, quite possibly, bears arms.
The extensive grounds, which are well surrounded by thick woods for privacy and magnificent fall-time leaf peeping, include an acre or two of meticulously maintained lawns, stacked stone walls and white fencing, an in-ground swimming pool and spa and, in the front yard, a civic-center sized flag pole Your Mama likes to imagine Mister Beck climbing up and sliding down while blubbering like a baby with his trademark, near hysterical patriotic zeal.
Given that they are filthy rich, it’s quite possible–and likely–that Mister and Missus Beck own several properties either for personal use or as investments. However, the only other property besides their primary residence in New Canaan that a peep and a poke around property records turns up is an 1,845 square foot house in Fort Lauderdale that Missus Beck purchased in her own name in July of 2000 for $156,800. Where the Becks are headed to is a complete mystery to Your Mama but iffin we were to wager a few dollars on it, we’d guess they’re moving on to even more luxurious, private and expensive circumstances.