OWNER: Lauri Waring
LOCATION: Platinum Circle, Mission Viejo, CA
SIZE: 1,700 square feet (approx.), 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Location, Location! Model perfect end unit just steps from beautiful play park & pool. Open floor plan w/ gourmet kitchen w/ large center island, cozy fireplace in family room & charming covered front porch. Upgraded throughout w/ Travertine flooring, designer carpet and paint, high baseboards & much more. Master bedroom features walk out balcony. Distressed hardwood floors in the spacious loft, perfect for home office. Private cul–de-sac end unit with pano views of hills, park & pool. Turnkey!
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Well, it must be official, Lauri Waring, one of The Housewives of Orange County, is selling her Mission Viejo condominium, which can only mean she must have married her stupendously rich suitor George. Now that she’s got a big ring on her finger and a piece of paper in the vault that makes half of his stuff hers, she’s free to part with her single mommy condominium. Because let’s face it, if it all goes South with George, and Your Mama hopes it does not, this Orange County stereotype is NOT going back to a condominium. Not this time.
The Dr. Cooter and Your Mama watched The Housewives of Orange County program like it was CNN on an important news day, eyes glued to the screen, jaws on the floor, shushing our bitches Linda and Beverly every time they so much as moved one of their long bodies. Riveting television children, ri–va-ting.
The Housewives of Orange County was what reality television is meant to be where people unwittingly expose themselves in small and unconscious ways which provide viewers an unswerving and unvarnished look at a who they are and how their clocks tick. We’re quite sure that when these brave bitches signed on for Housewives they had no idea just how nekkid they would appear. The show totally and successfully revealed who they really are behind all the make up, over-processed hair, plastic titties, fancy cars, and fat bank accounts.
The show title was a bit of a misnomer for Lauri, who was a single working gal who did not live in the gated enclave of Coto de Caza. She was no housewife. Oh no. That gurl had to earn her own money to pay the mortgage on her Mission Viejo condominium, and she had deal with her wayward children without the benefit of a helpful husband.
That is until she met George, a Republican land developer who showered Lauri with expensive gifts and lavish trips. Although you could tell that Lauri was trying to act nonchalant about her new beau and his vast income, you could tell that her spine was tingling and her skin was all goose fleshed when she thought about how much easier her life was going to be when she married George. We’re not saying she’s a gold digger, or that we blame her for thinking or feeling that her financial struggles were soon to be over. But come on now. How could a single mommy who sells insurance not be dazzled and drawn to a knight in a shining Ferrari who bought her a Mercedes and a big diamond ring just a few months after meeting?
Those of you that watched the program will recall that shortly after meeting Georgie boy Lauri moved into his sprawling house and let her daughter Ashley live in this condo on her own. That set up caused a lot of friction because Ashley did not maintain the condo as nicely as her mother had asked. Now that the condo is up for sale, we imagine poor Ashley has been booted and has to work to pay rent somewhere else in Orange County. Or maybe she moved in with George, too?
Your Mama really has such venom and bile for these sorts of condo developments in Orange County. We recognize that people need affordable places to live in Orange County, but we just find these cookie cutter developments to be depression inducing vortexes of “wish we had more money” mentalities. Of course, that’s a generalization and not everyone in an Orange County condo aspires to live in Coto de Caza. But let’s be honest, how many of those people paying $600,000 for a condo in Mission Viejo actually WANT to be living in a condo in Mission Viejo?
Lauri purchased her condo only in September of 2004 for $500,500. Which means that after fees she won’t be making much money, but that doesn’t really matter much anymore, does it?
And what does Your Mama think of the condo? We’re sorry to say, but it’s just another Orange County shrine to beige and banal interior design. Beige, beige, everywhere beige. We see the green couches, but they’re just lost in a sea of beige. What’s with all the damned beige? We’re not saying the walls would be better painted red or orange, but all this beige is just so unimaginative and mind numbing, and, well, beige.
Your Mama would also like to note the small teddy bear on the bed in the master bedroom. We don’t know whether this belongs to Lauri or to Ashley, but whatever the case it makes Your Mama’s skin crawl to see a teddy bear sitting on grown up woman’s bed. Ladies and gurls, Your Mama is of the opinion that as soon as Aunt Flo starts to visit, it’s time to put the Barbie dolls and teddy bears in cold storage. Just as when the hair begins to sprout under a man’s arms, it’s time to put the GI Joe and Hot Wheels in the attic. Seriously, it’s not cute. It’s not. It’s weird.
FYI: Vicki Gunvalson is selling her house also, and, according to many, many people, Slade Smiley has moved up to Los Angeles and his Coto house went into foreclosure. Could that be true?
Sources: Bravo TV,