Come on kids, let’s take an imaginary ride on the defunct, too small to stand up in but still fabulous in theory Concord and hop across the pond to discuss some London real estate so expensive that it makes New York City’s 15 Central Park West look like the damn ghetto. That’s right kids, Your Mama is talking about the Richard Rogers designed residential project called One Hyde Park located in the natty and nabobish Knightsbridge area.
Now puppies, don’t even bother to go looking for the website, because this particularly posh apartment block is so insanely expensive and exclusive that the website for the hyper-luxe project does not even allow the average millionaire to ogle and drool over pictures or floor plans. You gotta sign your shit up and request the information, and more than likely the sales people are going to Google your ass to try and figure out if you’re at least as rich as the Pope before they start handing out you any information.
Last year, the not yet finished building that overlooks the 350-acre Hyde Park rocketed to real estate gossip fame when one of it’s financial backers, a freakishly rich man known as Sheikh Hamad of Qatar, reportedly dropped a record breaking (and obscene) $192,000,000 to purchase one of the penthouse units that is said to measure around 20,000 square feet. That’s right kids, $192,000,000
The Times Online, who have thoughtfully mentioned Your Mama and our little endeavor here several times in the past, recently posted an article about the current and exuberant sales numbers for One Hyde Park, and children, the numbers are staggering. So sit right down now and swallow yourself a big fat nerve pill cause you are gonna need one when you learn how much coin it takes to live up in One Hyde Park.
Although the building is not due to be completed until 2010, The Times reports that half of the 80 apartments have already been contracted for sale with an average apartment price of roughly $39,230,000. (Gasps and cries of the impoverished are heard around the world.) That number is so shocking and unbelievable that Your Mama is going to type that again…an average apartment price of roughly $39,230,000.
The Times goes on to report that only 14% of the contracted buyers are British, 11% come from Continental Europe, another 25% hail from the Middle East, and a whopping 39% have been bought by Russians, which makes sense because everyone knows the Russians have new money coming out of their Versace clad crappers.
The interiors of One Hyde Park are being worked over by the well publicized people at Candy & Candy and include marble work surfaces, wooden baths (huh?), and floor to ceiling refrigerators. The building itself will feature 24-hour hotel services for when the richie rich residents have an uncontrollable hankering for a milkshake and fois gras at 3:30am, a private underground tunnel to the nearby Mandarin Oriental Hotel, private elevators with new fangled eye scanner security, private underground parking, a panic room and bullet proof glass. Now kids, Your Mama can understand a panic room. We live in a dangerous world. However, there is simply no way Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would ever fork over $40,000,000 to have neighbors hated enough by dangerous killers that they to want and require bullet proof windows in their home, you know what we’re sayin’?
So next time y’all wanna bitch about what a cottage on Carbon Beach costs or the purchase price of a 6 floor townhouse in Manhattan, just try to remember that it ain’t shit compared to what all the mega millionaires are paying to shack up at One Hyde Park.