EDIT (8/9/16): So maybe we were a bit too harsh on Trumpy boy in this post. The LA Times clued us in that he actually owns the house next door, something we probably knew about at one point but plum forgot. Maybe he’s not pretending to own this place after all. Sorry, Trumpsters! Don’t come for us.
In this giant vortex of weird and wild information that is the internet, there are a lot of really mind-blowing, unbelievable rumors out there. But Donald Trump putting a Beverly Hills mansion up for sale at $30 million is not one of them. Mind-blowing, we mean.
Actually, this particular rumor makes perfect sense. The house looks like something the Trumpster would love. It’s huge, it’s gaudy, it’s got enough gold leaf to make Auric himself smile. And it’s located on a very famous street right across the way from a very iconic hotel. In short, it’s not for someone who is shy about letting the world know how much moolah they have. And Donald Trump may be many things, kiddies, but shy is not (and never will be) one of them.
Adding to the confusion is the fact that Donald Trump did most definitely once own this house. And though he long ago sold the property, he has stayed here in recent years and certainly has not done much to refute assumptions that he continues to retain ownership. And now the house is for sale, and the listing description waxes poetically: “…boasts all-new construction with no expense spared – a labor of love created by a world-renowned developer for his own family.” Who else could that be but Don Don, right?
But wait, kids. We hate to burst The Trump’s big bubble, but fact is that he absolutely does not own this house. Nor was he responsible for the recent overhaul, despite the listing’s obvious attempt to cash in on his fame. And Yolanda can prove it.
Before we go any further on this silly crusade, let’s get the orange elephant in the room out of the way. We know there are all sorts of folks who may read this, folks who love the Donald and those that hate his guts and everyone in between. For those of you who may write hate mail to Yolanda for poking fun at him, get one thing straight.
We love Trump. No, really! We do. Although we certainly do not agree with everything that emanates from his mouth and we may or may not vote for him, we absolutely love his unfiltered speaking and how he effortlessly dispenses with all that politically correct nonsense. He leaves all the media outlets to whine and sob after him in his wake. We love it. So just because we’re going to make fun of him today doesn’t mean we’re on one side or the other. If Hillary’s wrinkly old butt once owned this house with her Clinton Ca$h, we’d make fun of her too. Trust.
Now then. Let’s have a wee history lesson.
Although the house appears to be a relic of 1930s Hollywood, the original structure was — shockingly enough — built in 1981. There are some reports that insist that the man himself, Richard Landry, was behind the architecture, but the place was built 35 years ago! Mr. Landry would’ve been a teenager at most, right? Hmmm. Must’ve been one of his earliest projects!
The property was purchased in 1979 for $878,000 by Omar Bongo, the late President of the African state of Gabon. We’re not sure if the property had a house on it at that time, but if it did, Mr. Bongo quickly tore it down and put the neoclassical thing you see here up.
It appears the second Mrs. Bongo — singer Patience Dabany — may have been awarded the estate following the couple’s 1986 divorce. Whatever the case, the Bongo family held onto the property for nearly 30 years, but in 2007 he/she/they dumped it for $10,500,000 to prominent LA real estate developers Selma and Len Fisch. For unknown reasons, the Fisch couple had a real estate change of heart and flipped the house just one year later at a slight loss. The sale price was $10,350,000. The buyer? “806 Acquisition LLC”. And if you didn’t know already, we bet you can guess who is behind that LLC.
Yes, kids. Way back in July 2008, Donald J. Trump paid $10,350,000 for this center hall colonial fixer at 806 N. Rodeo Drive in prime Beverly Hills flats. That much is true. But like the previous owners, Mr. Trump — for unknown reasons — also quickly experienced a real estate change of heart.
Exactly one year later, as per our Mama at Variety, he flipped the house back onto the market for a tough $12,000,000. Less than a month later — in August 2009 — the house was sold to a mysterious offshore corporation with a Zurich, Switzerland address. Here’s a copy of the grant deed, which Mr. Trump signed and had notarized himself.
So you see, kiddies, Yolanda is absolutely, positively, 100% certain that Mr. Trump has not owned this property since 2009.
And guess what the sale price in ’09 was? Just $9,500,000! Yes, you read right. Mr. Trump lost $850,000 (not counting taxes, real estate fees, closing costs, maintenance, any renovation work) on this property in just one year. Ouch! Not great for a guy who has frequently proclaimed himself to be “the greatest real estate developer the world has ever known” or some other such nonsense.
But who could the mysterious current owner be? And why did Mr. Trump entertain a Hollywood Reporter reporter at this very house earlier this year? The reporter was clearly under the impression that Mr. Trump was the homeowner, and Mr. Trump certainly never did anything but reinforce that assumption.
Like we’ve shown, y’all, the house is owned by a very enigmatic offshore corporation calling itself “Tecleo Investment Corp”. And Tecleo is headquartered in a notorious tax haven. But Yolanda just happens to know — for a fact — who the current owner is. It’s a young lady from Indonesia named Margaretha Widjaja.
Ms. Widjaja, now only 33 years old, seems to be a relatively low-profile young lady. But she’s richer than Donald Trump. Or at least her family is richer.
According to Forbes, Ms. Widjaja’s granddad, 92-year-old palm oil mogul Eka Tjipta Widjaja, has a net worth of $5.3 billion. Meanwhile, Mr. Trump makes do with a net worth of “just” $4.5 billion. That may seem a small difference but it ain’t to real estate’s biggest braggart, we can assure you.
Anyway. After purchasing the property back in 2009, Ms. Widjaja quickly embarked on a major remodel/renovation/expansion of the classy but tired estate. The project took years and was only completed relatively recently.
But why would Ms. Widjaja let Mr. Trump stay in her brand-new house? Well, kids, for one thing we don’t believe Ms. Widjaja intended to live here. This house was purely meant as an investment. She also has other homes in Beverly Hills (we’ll get to those in a minute).
The massive 14,991-square-foot manor is nearly invisible from the street thanks to a giant barrier of high hedges and a pair of supersized driveway gates.
The gracious front facade breeds shock for what lies within the front door: a cavernous foyer with white marble slathered over every inch of the floor and up the staircase. We think Donald Trump definitely approved of this.
Well, the house has not one but two adjoining kitchens, one of them a “wet” kitchen, whatever that means. And certainly they look pricey, with their leviathon marble center islands and luxury appliances. But somehow Yolanda still feels it’s just not Trumpy enough. Needs more gold leaf on the ceiling or something. The formal dining and breakfast nook (if you can call that ballroom-sized space a nook) are finished in similar color schemes.
A relatively cozy library without a single book present is an appropriate touch. Then there’s an all-neutral colored sitting room perfect for doubling as a war room for political public relations crises meetings.
Upstairs, two of the estate’s 11 bedrooms have rich and lustrous hardwood floors.
The master bedroom has enough space for even the most bombastic ego. And we’re Mr. & Mrs. Trump appreciate the mansion’s 12 marble-filled bathrooms with their gold leaf faucets, mirror frames, and bathtub legs. The sauna looks like it could easily be converted into a classy spray tanning room.
The .71-acre property is fairly large for the Flats and manages to pack in a saltwater swimming pool that runs nearly the full length of the residence. Carrara marble expensively covers the ground in the back patio area, and then there’s a full-sized, properly-positioned north-south tennis court slash basketball court.
In her cursory search through property record databases, Yolanda stumbled across something unexpected. We discovered this house is not the only one in the Beverly Hills flats owned by young Ms. Widjaja.
Our gurl actually owns at least two other large homes in the always-trendy Beverly Hills flats. The side-by-side homes, located just a couple blocks away from the much-larger house she is trying to sell, were purchased in 2004 (the one on the right) and 2009 (the one on the left) for a total of $7,680,000. One of the homes is owned in Ms. Widjaja’s own name, the other is behind another mysterious offshore corporation called “Jewelflower Finance LTD”.
So you see how it is, y’all. Trumpy does not own that big ass mansion, but he clearly has some sort of rental agreement in place with the current owner. Either that or Ms. Widjaja is just takin’ a wild ride on the Trump Train and is letting our boy pose in it fo’ free. Have mercy.
Now Mr. Trump, baby, have a seat and listen to some truth. We all know you’re rich as hell already so quit frontin’ like you own this place. And Ms. Widjaja, gurl, shame on you for perpetuating this fraud. Yes, that’s right. Yolanda said fraud. We take our real estate very seriously, y’all, and we don’t take kindly to people lying about what they own or do not own in that arena. And there are many liars out there. That’s a fact. You know who you are.
One more thing, Ms. Widjaja. We hope the rental contract (or whatever) prohibits the Trumpster from letting his skin touch any of the hideously expensive surfaces inside that house. Orange peel can be so, so aggravating. Can we get an amen?