There’s very little that scares Yolanda. We pride ourselves on being rather imperturbable, even in our elderly age. Sometimes we wake up in the morning and look in the mirror to find Predator staring back at us. That’s okay. Occasionally we even get one of those cease-and-desist letters from some sad Sally with no sense of humor. We don’t much care.
But! Oh my. But. There is one certain thing we are absolutely, catastrophically, deathly afraid of. Care to guess? No matter, we’ll tell you anyway. Fans of that boy band One Direction. The Directioners.
Now, not all Directioners are scary. Most of them are quite friendly and appreciative. But there is also a certain Directioner subset that is — as we’ve discovered — quite vicious. They’ll cut a beotch! Oh yes they will. Sooner than you can spit out “Anne of Green Gables”. Bam. Shanked. RIP.
So although we do love (most of) the Directioners, we’d like a little break from writing about those 1D boys. Last time we discussed one of them — Harry Styles’ secret new West Hollywood-area house — a few of y’all seemed to temporarily take leave of your senses. And we’ve got the comments and the stack of emails to prove it.
But our 1D break is not to be. Kiddies, we just can’t seem to get away from those real estate-crazy little One Direction boys. Such is our burden in life, the cross we must bear.
Yolanda awoke yesterday morning to a couple top-secret tips in our inbox. One came from our endlessly knowledgeable pal Vlad the Revealer at Celebrity Address Aerial and the other from a Directioner (one of the nice ones) who we’ll call Shirley Shangri-la. Both snitched that they strongly suspected that Mr. Tomlinson had gone and plunked down the big bucks for a big house in a celeb-packed section of LA’s Hollywood Hills area. And both provided different pieces of convincing evidence.
A quick check of property records reveals that the house fingered by both Mr. Revealer and Ms. Shangri-la was sold just a couple weeks ago for an A-list $7,300,000 to something called “LWTA LLC”. Hmmm. LWTA. Louis William Tomlinson. Coincidence?
Not only that, kiddies, but the LLC’s official registered agent happens to be a man named Daniel Deakin. Our Mr. Deakin, as all the Directioners probably know, is a UK-based wealth manager who also just happens to be Mr. Tomlinson’s step-daddy.
There’s also the issue of some Snapchat or Snipshit stories or whatever that have been posted from this house by some of Mr. Tomlinson’s closest friends and family in recent days. We refuse to say anything more about that mess because back in Yolanda’s day, no self-respecting person would Snap or Snip or Snit with another person to whom they were not already married (or at least betrothed).
Sorry, kids. Yolanda keeps it real classy on her blog.
The house is located in Outpost Estates, a quiet area of the Hollywood Hills that’s only about 10 minutes from the world-famous Sunset Strip by car. Per property records, the structure was originally built way back in 1937 with an ample (for that era) 3,414 square feet of living space.
Of course, tastes and sensibilities have changes a bit over the last 80 years. In 2014, the property was purchased by a prolific real estate investment group who gave the mini-estate a complete and thorough overhaul and expansion. The house you see in photos today — the one just purchased by Mr. Tomlinson for a very grown-up $7,300,000 — now clocks in at roughly 6,000 square feet of living space with 4 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms.
Listing info says the residence “has Hollywood history written in its walls. Oscar winners, musical theatre writers & rock star producers have all called this home.”
We don’t doubt the listing at all. But we will say that the only celebrity that Yolanda is positive once lived here is the late music promoter Ian Copeland. That does not mean dozens of other celebs haven’t lived here, it just means Yolanda don’t know about them.
The property sits on a .49-acre lot. That may seem like a lot of room, right? But as is typical of many Hollywood Hills homes, not all of that steeply-sloped land is usable. So the house actually sits very close to the street out front. Right on top of it, really. But rest assured there are gates and hedges and security cameras for celeb-style privacy.
Marketing materials describe the mini-mansion’s architecture and design as “Georgian Moderne”, and perhaps it was a Georgian house once upon a time. Nowadays, however, the place looks more like a contemporary Mediterranean type thingamabob with some Georgian-style touches here and there.
Oh well. Let’s just call it a very luxurious new-meets-old mansion. The interior sports ebonized hardwood floors and recessed LED lighting. The living/family room has walls of glass and tremendous views out over the LA skyline.
Just across the way is the kitchen, which flaunts its (fairly unusual) glazed and painted brick walls. Medium brown cabinetry matches the floors and the center work island sports a massive range. Adjacent to that is a curved breakfast nook. Hidden behind a wall next door (for privacy from the kitchen staff) is the dining room set, which includes 10 sorta-aquamarine-colored chairs we find strangely fetching.
Mr. Tomlinson’s screening room screen is showing what may or may not be a still from one of Yolanda’s absolute favorite films: The Big Sleep. Cool art deco vibe over in the home office.
The master bedroom has more of the trendy dark-stained hardwood floors. We appreciate that the room is sizable yet not oppressively cavernous with a full living room, etc. What kind of person needs all that space in their bedroom, anyway? Wait. Don’t answer that.
The bathroom goes for the soft and feminine look. It’s not really to Yolanda’s taste but the zany floor tiles are kinda cool.
The property also features numerous outdoor terraces and patios for baking in the boiling SoCal heat.
And there’s the infinity-edged pool with sunbathing deck for when that heat becomes a bit too unbearable to absorb while dry. Fry your tushie off in the comfort of saltwater, Mr. Tomlinson.
Some of Mr. Tomlinson’s new celebrity neighbors in the Outpost Estates section of the Hollywood Hills include Johnny Galecki, Felicity Huffman, Shaun White, Rebecca De Mornay, and Duran Duran’s John Taylor.
Before buying his new house, our boy was paying a pretty penny to rent a big pad up above the Sunset Strip in the western Hollywood Hills, the home of British hypnotist Paul McKenna. It was here that he was — until recently — shacked up with his current girlfriend, aspiring actress Danielle Campbell. Meanwhile, his baby mama — the Mercedes-driving Briana Jungwirth — remains living out in Calabasas with his (alleged!) son Freddie.
Speaking of Calabasas, we know what many of y’all are thinking. Yolanda has heard repeatedly — and in great detail — that Mr. Tomlinson also owns a huge compound out there. We wrote about it a long time ago.
Now Mr. Tomlinson is a very rich young man. But even Yolanda, despite everything we’ve heard, must admit it seems a bit unlikely that he would keep a $10 million house out there for his estranged baby mama and then a $7 million house for himself. What seems more likely is that the Calabasas property (which lists its mailing address as the exact same NYC law office as Mr. Tomlinson’s new house) was actually purchased by Mr. Tomlinson’s bandmate Liam Payne — who has been photographed at the estate in question — and that Mr. Tomlinson was initially staying out there before finding a place to rent. And that is the only thing we can figure that would’ve caused information to get mixed up.
Listen, y’all, don’t blame Yolanda and her cronies if we have a difficult time keeping these One Direction boys straight. Pun definitely not intended, of course.
So are we finally done with 1D stories? For this year, at least? Pretty please, boys. No more real estate for any of you. Yolanda may be sexy now but we’ll blame any future wrinkles on you.
Listing agent: Ernie Carswell, Teles Properties
Louis Tomlinson’s agent: Eric Lavey, The Agency