Harry Styles secretly sells his LA house at a major loss

There’s nothing Yolanda loves quite like she loves the One Direction fan army. While we wouldn’t know a 1D song if it sneaked up and popped us in the booty with a carjack (Yolanda’s an old lady with little knowledge of current pop culture), we still particularly enjoy writing about the boys in the band because their fans are so much fun and so appreciative. So thanks, y’all! We’ll always give you guys the exclusives when we get them, and today we’ve got something quite damn juicy.

As you may recall, it was your gurl who first broke the stories about Louis Tomlinson recently dropping $10,000,000 on a massive compound deep in the Calabasas woods (he sho’ did) and Niall Horan forking over $4,000,000 for a Frank Gehry-designed house on a very celebrity-filled street in the Hollywood Hills.

Now, kiddies, we have some news about your boy Harry Styles. As most hardcore 1D-ers know, Mr. Styles paid $4,000,000 back in February 2014 for a contemporary hideaway on a gated and famously celebrity-friendly street in the Beverly Hills Post Office area.

Thanks to a drunken 4th of July text from a friend who we’ll call Tipsy Tina, we can exclusively tell y’all (and property records confirm) that Mr. Styles has very, very, very quietly unloaded his petite Oak Pass Road crib in a top-secret deal this June (2016).

It’s not so shocking that Mr. Styles might want to unload his house — more on that in a minute — but what is surprising to Yolanda is the amount of money that property records show Mr. Styles received for the property. According to records, the lowball buyer forked over just $3,175,000 for the house that Mr. Styles bought for an even-steven $4 million just over two years ago.

Yolanda’s no good at math, but our cute and smart soon-to-be-third-grader nephew tells us that Mr. Styles took a shocking $825,000 loss on the property, and that the sale price is more than 20% lower than he originally ponied up. To Yolanda, that indicates one of two things: either Mr. Styles massively overpaid for the property back in 2014, or else he was totally desperate to unload it and took the first ballpark offer he could get. Or both, right?

And that $825,000 could easily balloon to a loss of a $1 million (or more) once taxes, real estate fees, carrying costs, yadda yadda yadda are factored in. Now, y’all, we’re well aware that Mr. Styles is a very rich young man — we’ve seen a net worth estimate of $23 million, but wouldn’t be surprised if it was actually higher — and a million bucks ain’t what it used to be. But still, you know. A million dollar loss is still a million dollar loss. That’s still gotta sting, at least a tad.

Property records also reveal the discount buyer is “Simo Design, Inc“, a West Hollywood-based house-flipping firm that buys luxury properties on the cheap, gussies them up, and sells them for big bucks. Yolanda suspects we’ll be seeing Mr. Styles’ old house back on the market in the next year or two, probably asking with a pricetag much higher than the $4 million Mr. Styles originally paid.

Simo Design’s previous project (below) is located just a quick jog from the house they just bought from Mr. Styles. Simo acquired the “modern farmhouse” style home last year for $3,600,000, gave it a quick gussy-up, and sold it this June (2016) for $6,950,000 to Allison Statter (nee Azoff), daughter of media mogul Iriving Azoff and one of Kim Kardashian’s BFFs.


Anyway, some of Mr. Styles’s nearest (now former) neighbors on his gated street include Channing Tatum (who owns the house right next door), Lisa Vanderpump and her mop-headed hubby Ken Todd, Mike & Irena Medavoy, Bertram Van Munster, Jon Voight, and Demi Moore.

So where, oh where, has Mr. Styles gone? He spends a lot of time in LA — naturally he needs a new house, right? Well, Yolanda has combed over records and though it’s certainly possible we’ve missed something, we’re fairly sure Mr. Styles has not yet purchased a new residence. Perhaps he’s bunking up in a hotel or a rental house for the time being.

…Or could it be that all those longstanding “Larry” fan rumors are correct? Could Mr. Styles have moved in with Mr. Tomlinson at his massive, multi-acre Calabasas compound? Certainly Mr. Tomlinson has the space, right? And what could be more natural than two young bandmates bunking in and shacking up in a big-ass mansion? Really, what?

  1. L.Trial says:

    Bless you Yolanda! You got it right! Meet up in the Medtation Tea house with H& L for a lovely cup of tea. God willing will these two beautiful human being can live their lives free of the crap that has consumed and tried to destroy them. That is my wish . Thanks for the update, your a love.

  2. Sam says:

    Lol oh dear, you went there with the “Larry” rumors, good luck with all the psychos you are going to get in your inbox asking you to confirm that this completely fictional conspiracy theory is true. Get on your tinhat you are going to need it to wade through that load of crap

  3. Larryisnotreal says:

    Larry is not real!!!!!!!
    Stop spreading false rumours!!!!!!!!
    And for crying out loud!!!!! Louis William Tomlinson has a living breathing baby son his name
    Is Freddie Tomlinson!!!!!!! Get it inside your heads Dudbuds!!!!! It is for him!!!!!!!!
    And just don’t give larries fan fiction ideas.Correct your news.

  4. Rachel says:

    He very well could be living with Louis but remember everyone, roommates aren’t always dating (or married)!!

  5. anon says:

    Everyone commenting on here desperate saying Larry is not real? Looool the article is about the house, stop being so pressed over a ship, it is just a ship and if they are dating or not it is not your bussiness. x

  6. Nikki says:

    Really, you had to bring up Larry? THERE IS NO LARRY. It is a ridiculous theory that bothers the guys and has ruined their relationship (publicly anyway) They have publicly denied it and Louis a father now.. why can’t people let it go?

  7. Malou44 says:

    Obviously you people dont/haven’t been paying attention to Mr. L.Tire. He is not a father. He has not fathered a child. He never had sex with the so called “mother” (and I use the term quite loosely, just like her). So get your stories straight. LOUIS IS NOT A FATHER HE DOES NOT HAVE A CHILD. It is all S.C. behind it.

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