We regret to interrupt our regular story flow, but we’ve got some tragic – perhaps even devastating – news to share. In fact, we couldn’t even write anything yesterday because we were so overcome with this tale. What are we babbling about, you ask? Is Trump getting ready to show us what’s hiding under that hairpiece? Is the Jupiter Ascending sequel getting filmed? Is Kimmy K hauling the fat ass out again?
No. Something even worse. We’ve been hearing that… Mariah Carey & James Packer have recently been house-shopping in the Mulholland Estates gated community.
Crazy, right? And no, Yolanda has not been hitting the bottle yet again. Although we desperately need two, three, or forty shots after hearing this news. But go ahead and pour yourselves out a tall one because we’re feeling long-winded today.
For those of you who might not be aware, let Yolanda tell you about Mulholland Estates. It’s a big gated community located in the Sherman Oaks hills. Well, technically the neighborhood does have a 90210 zip code (thanks to some crafty developers). But it’s on the north side of Mulholland, so it really is Sherman Oaks. And there’s nothing but dozens and dozens of big, boxy mcmansions that look like they were transported directly from a mid-grade gated enclave in Newport Coast or Irvine and plopped up in the hills.
Anyway, suffice to say Mulholland Estates is just tragic. Not only are all the homes exactly the same, but the people there are hardly the sort of folks most billionaires would covet as neighbors. Let us give you a sampling: Charlie Sheen, Paris Hilton, Sydney Holland, Vanna White, Adrienne Maloof, Tracey Edmonds, Slash. All celebrities, yes. All rich, certainly. But they’re just not on the level of Ms. Carey and Mr. Packer. They’re hardly billionaires. Any sane person with as much money as the Carey-Packers have would never think about looking in Mulholland Estates. This is all just so wrong and upsetting!
Not to mention, Mulholland Estates is crime-riddled. Despite being equipped with 24/7 guards, Charlie Sheen has had not one but two Mercedes-Benzes stolen from his own driveway and totaled. Paris Hilton once woke up to see a knife-wielding lunatic outside her front door and her house was burgled multiple times by the infamous “Bling Ring”.
Listen, if you’re reading this and you happen to live in Mulholland Estates, we don’t mean to offend. We’re sure it’s really a great place to live. We’re aware that every house in the community is worth millions, yada yada. We’re just being dramatic because we’re dealing with a big diva here. Untwist those granny panties.
Anyway, your gurl Yolanda was thinking long and hard about Ms. Carey & Mr. Packer’s dire real estate situation. Poor lambs just don’t have a clue. We’ve decided that we just can’t. We can’t stand by quietly and let these two fall into this real estate hell when heaven is practically right around the corner.
That’s right, everyone. Let’s all take a seat. It’s time for Yolanda’s real estate intervention.
James, Mariah… Yolanda is so glad you could join all of us today. We’re not going to sugarcoat this shit. We’re all deeply concerned about the tragic choices y’all are making with your cash. Calabasas and Mulholland Estates are for the poors. Never. Never. Never. We’re going to take you on a tour of a neighborhood that is much more fitting for folks of your wealth and standing. It’s the wealthiest neighborhood of Los Angeles. Your own paradise within gates. A place where you can be free to do whatever you please. As long as it conforms to the 70-page Homeowners’ Covenant, of course.
That’s right. You fools know what time it is. It’s time for some damn Beverly Park.
Way up in the Beverly Hills Post Office mountains is a Disneyland for billionaires. It’s like every luxury gated community in SoCal, except on steroids. Actually, It’s two gated communities in one. There’s the larger “Beverly Park North” community with a main entry off Mulholland and a secondary entry on Summitridge, and then there’s the smaller “Beverly Park South” area with a sole entrance off Summitridge. There’s hardly a house there under 10,000 square feet, and everyone is ludicrously rich and maybe a wee bit crazy, too.
As best as Yolanda can tell, there are 67 separate mansions/compounds currently standing in Beverly Park. Then there are 2 lots that have never been built on, and 2 more that once had houses. Those two (50 Beverly Park & 16 Beverly Park) recently had their original mansions razed and are being rebuilt, bigger and better. So 71 possibilities for Mr. Packer & Ms. Carey, in total.
Way back in the day Beverly Park had a pretty even mix of homeowners. It was about 1/3 rich Hollywood celebrities, 1/3 rich foreigners, and 1/3 rich American entrepreneurs. Times have changed. Over the past 5-6 years or so, almost all the buyers have been foreign. They now number more than half the current residents, by Yolanda’s detailed count. And for whatever reason, most come from either Saudi Arabia or the former Soviet Union.
It’s been a long time since a big celeb bought in Beverly Park. A real long time. In fact, we think the last time might have been when Marky Mark Wahlberg bought that vacant lot and built his custom Landry palace. That was almost a decade ago, believe it or not. We need a big celeb couple to shake things up in here.
Yes, Mimi, we know what you’re thinking. There’s only three houses currently on the MLS in the whole community. What if a silly diva like me doesn’t care for any of those three residences?
Never fear, baby. Yolanda has gone through the community and we’ve identified a dozen additional homeowners that we think may be open to selling. But let’s quit the talkin’ and get to lookin’, shall we?
House #1: Brutally Beautiful French Regency
Let’s begin with 27 Beverly Park Terrace, the most-expensive of the three Beverly Park properties currently on the open market. Certainly our fashion-conscious clients will enjoy its location within the the more-desirable North Beverly Park area. There’s a dining room capable of seating 20 people, huge pool, spa, and a pool pavilion with his and hers bathrooms and a full outdoor kitchen. The estate is one of the biggest lots in Beverly Park (a whopping 5.37 acres) and contains more than 20,000 square feet of living space. The price is a reasonable $35,000,000. How can Mariah resist this gem?
The owner of this palace is a Mr. Bambang Trihadmodjo, an Indonesian businessman who happens to be the son of the late President Suharto, who ruled Indonesia as a dictator for more than three decades. His regime has been termed “one of the most brutal and corrupt of the 20th century”. Oh my. Fabulous!
Perhaps that’s why this “manor” has been on and off the market for something like 10 years now. Poor Mr. Trihatmodjo just can’t seem to unload the beast. Maybe Mimi & Jimmy will be the ones to finally relieve him of this burden, should the gracious Lord will it. Amen!
House #2: Flaw-free Mediterranean
Okay, so Ms. Carey & Mr. Packer might balk at paying a dictator’s son millions of dollars. Understandable. That’s a potential publicity nightmare, right? So forget that first house. Here’s something even better.
Directly next door to the Trihatmodjo estate is sprawling, multi-winged “Mediterranean” compound. This behemoth has long been owned by apparel entrepreneur Michel Harouche. Much to Yolanda’s surprise, we were recently tipped off that this house is quietly available for sale on the MLS. Asking price? $34,000,000.
The current listing provides no pictures of the property – zero. Apparently the ol’ gurl is a wee bit camera-shy. But the description does reveal that the estate sits on 3.79 acres, encompasses more than 20,000 square feet of living space, and comes equipped with a conservatory, wine cellar, and a theater.
Of the three properties (publicly) available for sale in Beverly Park, we think this one has the most potential for our two loved-up cockatoos. It’s the most private, it’s got the most dramatic entryway (and you know a big ol’ diva like Mariah needs plenty of drama in her life). and it’s got that secret wing around the back for Mimi to go practice her caterwauling or maybe just knock a few cocktails back. We joke!
House #3: Authentic Tuscany (just kidding)
But maybe Mariah & James will decide they don’t belong together with that house. That’s fine. Never fear, there’s still another Beverly Park available on the open market. For $31 million, you can have this turgid Tuscan, which spans more than 17,000 square feet of rather garish interior spaces, but our pair is gonna have to make do with just 1.85 acres. Uh oh. That’s not much breathing room for two big egos.
Did Yolanda mention this property also has a celebrity history? It was bought by now-retired professional slugger Barry Bonds in 2002. He sold it back in 2014 for $22,000,000.
The current owner of this property is shielded behind the all-too-common LLC, but everyone and their hootin’ granny has told us they are Russian. Yolanda finally sorted out that the Russian in question is a low-profile guy named Alexei Kourotchkine or Alexey Kurochkin or something similar. We’ve seen several different spellings of his name. Apparently Mr. Kurotchkine is some sort of banker or trader or yacht dealer but appears to have made the bulk of his mysterious fortune some time ago. We found plain evidence that he also once owned a fancy-pants pad up in the “Trousdale Estates” neighborhood of Beverly Hills.
But we digress. Back to our clients. Though this property is asking $31 million, we think the Carey-Packers might be able to cut a deal. Maybe like $24 or $25 million. It’s been for sale for quite some time, after all.
House #4: Okay, we’re really not sure what the heck this thing is.
Here’s a real klassy Beverly Park monster. Though there’s many klassy dumpsters in Beverly Park, this one might be the klassiest of all. And it’s got a celebrity pedigree! The Palladian nightmare was built by comedian Martin Lawrence and was his longtime residence (for about 20 years or so). In 2012, Mr. Lawrence sold his 15,000 square foot bulbous beauty to fellow Beverly Park resident Bruce Makowsky for $17,200,000. Mr. Makowsky bought the property as an investment, so he never moved in, but he did give it a cosmetic overhaul and flipped it one year later for a profit-guaranteeing $24,000,000.
The buyer was a rather sexy Hungarian billionaire named György Gattyán. Don’t let his good looks and model poses fool you. This guy has serious dough. He’s Hungary’s richest man, actually. We also think he may be one of the richest residents of Beverly Park. And there’s tons of crazy-rich folks here.
Below is his Beverly Park bathtub. We hate this house, let it be known, but Yolanda would happily jump right into that tub if Mr. Gattyán would promise to rinse us down. Tee-hee. Call Yolanda a slut all you like.
Why do we think this home might be sold? Well, it’s because Mr. Gattyan recently bought not one but two other big-ass mansions down in the Beverly Hills flats. Homeboy is rich. Maybe he’s already planning to move, or maybe he’s planning to stay. Who knows. But whatever the case, we’re sure the Carey-Packers could work something out with our man. These things are never difficult when you’re got billions of bucks.
House #5: The Dead Men Tell No Tales Estate
South Beverly Park is kinda like the ghetto section of Beverly Park. We’re sure most North Beverly Park residents wish this area didn’t exist. Of course, “ghetto” is a relative term. You won’t find a house down here worth less than $10 million. All the residents are still freakishly rich. You’ve got people like Magic Johnson, Samuel L. Jackson, and Prince Alexander von Furstenberg. It’s just that the houses here tend to be smaller and older than the ones around the corner in North Beverly Park.
Directly next door to Magic Johnson’s Tuscan-ish pile is a hulking, 13,500 square foot traditional manor. It dates all the way back to the 80’s. Vintage, right? This house was sold by uber-rich Louise Taper of the Taper clan in 2011 to an entity calling itself “Dastel Corporation”.
Dastel, it turns out, was a front for a powerful Russian media mogul named Mikhail Lesin. Mr. Lesin made a whole tankload of (allegedly) corrupt cash by wielding the power and influence his close relationship with Vladimir Putin provided him.
Sometime around 2011, Lesin and his family arrived in America for unknown reasons, armed with suitcases full of cash. They spent big and spent quickly. He bought $30 million worth of real estate in a matter of months and sunk tens of millions more into producing Hollywood blockbusters.
Poor Mr. Lesin mysteriously and unexpectedly met his maker last November (2015). The death just happened to take place to take place in Washington, D.C., not long after a US senator called on the FBI to initiate a probe into Mr. Lesin’s mysterious millions. Do you get what Yolanda is hinting at? We’re not experts on international politics, nor do we typically espouse conspiracy theories. But the timing and circumstances Mr. Lesin’s death are so strange that we can’t help think it couldn’t be anything other than a hit. Yikes.
But we digress. Whatever the case, Mr. Lesin is dead and will not be needing this property any longer. We doubt his much-younger girlfriend will be allowed to keep it and though it’s possible one of his kids might want it for themselves, Yolanda thinks it’s highly likely to be sold off instead. Probably very quietly and off-market. If Mariah & James don’t mind slumming it down in South Beverly Park, this house is a perfect choice. One advantage of Beverly Park’s southern section is that the streets are quieter than up North. The south’s main road dead-ends at the end of the community. The North’s does not.
Plus, this house is totally private from the neighbors. It’s got a children’s play area. And it’s one of the rare properties in Beverly Park that actually has views. Yes, kids, despite the semi-remote location way up in the mountains, most of Beverly Park’s lots do not have earth-shattering, sweeping views. Many of them don’t have views of anything except trees and hedges, actually. Don’t faint, but it’s the honest truth.
House #6: The Russians are already here, actually
By this time Mimi & Jimbo might be getting indignant. “We are real big billionaires. Stop showing us all these half-assed ugly houses. Aren’t there any serious estates available?”
Well, we do know of a few that are not on the market… yet. How about this one? We’ve heard rumors the house you see above is actually the tallest structure in Beverly Park. The developer wanted it to be imposing, and imposing it is. It last sold way back in 2004 for $22,136,500, at that time the most ever paid for a property in the community. Yolanda has heard rumors that this property has a mansion-sized underground garage, in addition to the 24,000 square feet of above-ground living space. They don’t come much bigger than that in Beverly Park. Property taxes alone came to a gasp-inducing $315,429 last year.
Let us introduce you to the current owners, Alexander & Larissa Sabadash. Mr. Sabadash is a vodka mogul turned Russian senator who was later accused of embezzling $32 million in public funds. As far as we know, he’s currently locked up in a Moscow jail on a multi-year prison sentence. Oh dear!
One might think that having your hubby jailed in a shady country on a different continent would put quite a strain on poor Mrs. Sabadash. But apparently that’s not the case. Or if it is the case, she’s great at putting on a brave face because this gal shows up at every high-end social event or boutique opening in Beverly Hills. Literally. You will rarely ever see Mrs. Sabadash miss a fancy premiere or a new couture boutique opening. Lady has never met a party she doesn’t like. Or ever, apparently, missed an opportunity to get her photo taken at every chi-chi Beverly Hills dinner ball since 2004.
We figure Mrs. Sabadash might want to sell soon since her hubby is in the pokey. The cash flow to maintain this beast might not be coming in like it used to, you know? Plus, it’s pretty apparent she barely spends any time in that house. It’s just sitting empty while she’s down on Rodeo harassing all the local fashion vendors.
House #7: Your own Kazakh-Italian village
Want something even more compound-like? Celebrities love compounds. This “Italian village” property currently holds the record for most expensive Beverly Park estate ever sold. Recall seeing this place on the market a couple years ago? It was the longtime residence of billionaires Eric & Susan Smidt. The estate sold in late 2014 for a whopping $39,900,000.
The buyer? Well, that mysterious individual is technically shielded behind a corporation called “Hacienda Estate”, but Yolanda happens to know for a fact that the guy behind Hacienda is a fellow named Eduard Ogay. Mr. Ogay – his last name is also occasionally spelled Ogai – is a copper mine oligarch from Kazakhstan of Korean descent. Remember what we said about Beverly Park being popular with people from the former Soviet Union? It’s true. We’ve got Russians, Ukrainians, and Koryo-sarams up in here.
For those who care, Yolanda happens to know that Mr. & Mrs. Ogay and their two young children, along with whatever staff members live with them, used to live in a big ass rented mansion over in Holmby Hills. That property is currently back on the rental market for $150,000 per month.
Mr. Ogay might be open to selling for a big profit. Why? Well, why not? He just moved in. He can move back out again. Everyone should be accommodating to Her Highness Madame Carey. No biggie.
House #8: The Mysterious Kremlin Palace
Lawd have mercy. Beverly Park is famous for its over-the-top estates, but this one might just Trump them all. The property was designed by – who else? – (in)famously out-sized architect Richard Landry. It was built as a spec house and had originally listed with a mind-numbing $45 million pricetag, yet it sits on only two acres.
After several gargantuan pricechops, the house sold in 2009 for a reported $31,500,000 – still one of the biggest sales ever in the community. A couple years ago, the buyers tried to flip the “chateau” for a ballsy $50,000,000. Unsurprisingly, there were no takers.
Yolanda is ashamed to admit it, but frankly…. we’re not entirely sure who currently owns this estate. We do know the owner is from the Ukraine and we also happen to know there are several people with Ukrainian-sounding surnames currently living in this house, but we don’t think any of them is the real owner. More likely, they’re all the shadowy owner’s employees.
However, Yolanda was able to trace the oddly-named LLC that owns the property and directly link it to a mysterious offshore corporation headquartered on the tiny island of Cyprus, which has long enjoyed a very close relationship with many (alleged) money launderers from the former Soviet Union.
We also found plenty of evidence that the same entity we discovered is tied to yet another shadowy corporation that has long owned a high-floor apartment in the legendary and legendarily celebrity-packed Sierra Towers condo building in West Hollywood. Interesting, no?
One more thing before we move on. A few years ago we were shown the above pics (both were taken at this estate) and we were told that the chick you see all done up like Audrey Hepburn is actually the “lady of the house”. We’ve tried but failed to get a straight answer on what said lady’s real name actually is. So if any of y’all can identify this lass and what her connection to the enigmatic owner of this glitzy estate is, be a dear and let Yolanda know. We’ll keep your own name on the downlow for sure.
But seriously… wouldn’t this be the perfect fairytale castle for an eternally-12-year-old diva like Mariah?
House #9: Humble Hamptons
Okay, so maybe that house is a little too gaudy for you, Mariah? You’re a big ol’ diva but maybe you don’t need such an ostentatious palace. Damn, lady. Make up your mind. How about this tiny 11,000 square-foot thing on just 1.8 acres? They don’t come much smaller than this in Beverly Park. And it’s “Hamptons-style” – perfect for the New York-loving Ms. Carey!
The house was built by Hollywood heavyweight Mike Medavoy and his very social wifey Irena. The couple had the property on and off the market for years. Finally, in September 2009, at the height of the recession, the couple unloaded the property for a bargain-basement $12,500,000 in an off-market deal. The buyer is listed only as an offshore entity calling itself “Ragada Corporation” but Yolanda knows for a fact the buyers are the mega-rich Isaac & Victoria Oberfeld from Mexico City. The Oberfelds have been old-money Beverly Hills stalwarts for decades and the clan has so many houses around the city that we couldn’t possibly count them all on our fingers and toes alone.
A look at age-progressed aerial photographs reveals that the Oberfelds appear to be renovating the property. At present moment the yard is entirely dirt. We didn’t include that photo here because we don’t want to scare Miss Mariah off (we just can’t see her waddling over bare soil in those six-inch stilettos she’s so fond of wearing, can you?)
House #10 & #11: Pick your poison… Lavish Landry or Tumescent Tuscan
Wanna live like a Rockstar (founder)? 40-something redheaded billionaire Russ Weiner might want to unload one or both of his Beverly Park mansions, even though he just purchased the Landry turd on the left from our boy Bruce Makowsky a couple years ago. The Italian “villa” on the right has been his primary residence since 2007.
But given that he’s also got a $10 million house in Hermosa Beach and a $19 million mansion down in the Beverly Hills flats (formerly owned by Madonna), he could very well be open to receiving a nice chunk of change, courtesy of the Carey-Packer’s deep designer pocketbooks and purses.
House #13: A bucket needs kicking
Sumner Redstone reminds Yolanda of Wile E. Coyote. Homeboy just won’t die. We’re not trying to be rude, it just seems like he’s been a living ghost for half of Yolanda’s life already. He can’t speak, can’t walk, can’t feed himself, yet still the old boy stubbornly persists while his empire goes up in flames and the vultures continue to pick at the still-allegedly-alive carcass.
Yolanda doesn’t care so much about what happens to Redstone’s Viacom conglomerate. What we want to know is what will happen to his vaguely modern, quasi-Spanish compound up in Beverly Park. That’s a prime property for sure. Will his longtime companion Ms. Herzer get it? Or will it pass to his daughter or her kids? Either way, Yolanda would bet big money the house will be sold within seconds of Mr. Redstone finally making the leap to the other side. And despite his long-running assertion that he “will never die”, Yolanda can’t help but think that leap is only a few months away.
The house is one of the few in Beverly Park with a real badass view. It’s also got a spectacular infinity pool and 5 bedrooms and 8 bathrooms in 15,355 square feet of living space. Too bad it’s only got a stingy 1.89 acres of land, because the house may not be pretty – depending on your point of view – but it’s certainly dramatic and looks like no other in Beverly Park. What could be better for a big ol’ diva like Mariah, right?
House #14: The Unicorn
Here’s what could be better. Although nearly all the properties in Beverly Park are swollen versions of Tuscan castles or French chateaus, there are a small handful of ultra-modern residences within the gates, as well. Perhaps the most notorious of these is the Landry-designed behemoth at 72 Beverly Park.
The house was built in 2000 by a porn entrepreneur named Norm Zada (apparently porn entrepreneurship is a popular profession in Beverly Park). Mr. Zada frequently entertained lots of scantily clad women at this house, though at one time he was rumored to be romancing the late, great Joan Rivers. We shit you not.
Anyway, sometime in the mid-2000s Mr. Zada put the property on the market, where it lingered for a long ass time. Heidi Klum & Seal reportedly made a lowball offer on the estate back when they were still a couple – which was flatly rejected. Sometimes you are in and sometimes you are out, and apparently Heidi was out at Beverly Park. Poor lass.
But we digress. The property finally sold to a Saudi billionaire named Saleh Kamel in 2010. Mr. Kamel paid $16,500,000 for the estate but never moved in. Instead, he put it up for lease. In early 2014, shortly after unloading her Fleur de Lys estate, one of our favorite Tinseltown socialites Ms. Suzanne Saperstein moved here – with a boytoy or two and an entourage, we expect. We found evidence she was paying Mr. Kamel $100,000 per month to occupy the premises. Holy moly!
Yolanda had hoped Ms. Saperstein might eventually buy the place – she’s just the right sort of crazy for Beverly Park, we think. Sadly, she opted for a massive downgrade, paying $9 million and change for a rather sad house in the flats of Beverly Hills.
Given that Ms. Saperstein recently moved out – or is about to move out – we think it’s only natural that Mr. Kamel will soon either want to rent or unload this palace. Perhaps Jimmy & Mimi could lease it for a bit before deciding to buy. We think they’ll be unable to resist the community once they’ve experienced it.
House #15: The Promised Land
There’s no question that a big ol’ diva like Mariah Carey and a multi-billionaire like James Packer are difficult clients and probably highly specific about what they want in a house. Perhaps none of these “lived-in” properties will be up to snuff for the high-maintenance pair.
Well, Yolanda has one last trick up her sleeve. Everyone’s favorite couple can build their own place in Beverly Park without having to tear anything down, bitches! There are still two lots on Beverly Park that have never been built on. This one above is far larger and better-sited than the other. It’s a full six acres. Six acres of usable land! Think of the possibilities!
Beverly Park was mostly developed by the early 2000s, so you might wonder why, in 2016, there’s still no house on this hugely-valuable parcel. Well, we can’t tell you why, but we do know that the property has been owned by a mysterious offshore corporation since 2000. Yolanda just happens to know – for a fact – that the mysterious individual behind this corporation is an Indonesian tycoon named Putra Masagung.
We’re not sure if Mr. Masagung ever had plans to develop the property or if the land was originally just a speculative purchase, but the property is most assuredly worth several times the $6,000,000 that Mr. Masagung paid way back in 2000. In fact, we hear he has turned down offers of up to $30,000,000 on the property and we also heard that Mr. Bruce Makowsky wanted this lot very badly but was rejected. Sad!
Listen, kids, at the end of the day, money talks. Mr. Masagung is a smart business man. We highly doubt he’d turn down, oh, say $40 or $50 million for the lot. And who could better afford something crazy like that than Mr. Packer and Ms. Carey?
Last but not least
We hope the Carey-Packers (or their assistants) enjoyed this post. We didn’t write all this crap up for nothin’. Now that you’ve had the virtual tour, get on up and do the real thing. And to the Carey-Packer family’s real estate agent(s): quit letting your billionaire clients fool around. Get them to Beverly Park and do it real big. In the meantime, we’re going to pull a classic Mimi move and keep the Carey-Packer’s real estate situation in our prayers.
(P.S. we were trying to decide which Mariah song to include here, but we think this works best. Tee hee.)