Put on your thunkin’ caps and you may or may not recall something important. Oh, and you may also recall that it was only about two weeks ago when Yolanda discussed the new Hollywood Hills house of Calum Hood, a member of bubblegum boyband 5 Seconds of Summer.
A few days ago, as we were minding our own blog business, a young 5SOS fan who we’ll call Shiverme Timbers contacted Yolanda outta the blue with a story request. Now, we always enjoy getting story requests from folks who follow this hot mess of a blog. We’re not always able to accommodate everyone because (contrary to popular opinion!) Yolanda is not omnipotent. But we do our very best.
Anyway, young Miss Timbers’ request interested Yolanda because she provided some hardcore Instagram evidence to go along with it. The evidence very clearly indicated that 5SOS frontman Luke Hemmings had purchased a new house somewhere in LA. And not that Yolanda is one to blow her own beeper, but it took us under two minutes of searching to locate the house in question.
Located on a narrow dead-end road in a rather difficult-to-access part of the celeb-popular Laurel Canyon neighborhood of the Hollywood Hills, the 3,127-square-foot multi-story boxy structure looms tall above the driveway below. A Chinese Red doorway provides a small yet pleasant visual relief from the relentlessly grey house, which very obviously dates to the 1980s. 1989, to be precise. Property records reveal young Mr. Hemmings coughed up $1,525,000 for the pad.
Now, kiddies, Yolanda harbors no ill will toward the ’80s. Quite the opposite, actually. It’s our favorite decade in history. We love wearing neon biker shorts and we still watch Muppet Babies religiously. But that decade also brought us the Yugo and shoulder pads and a peculiar vintage of residential architecture. And those things — in Yolanda’s meaningless opinion — would be best forgotten.
That’s not to say the house is absolutely irredeemable. We may not care for the looks (check out that massive front overhang!) but we do like the big windows (even if the view ain’t exactly thrilling). Overall, however, it’s far too dated and all-white for Yolanda. The living room, dining room, and kitchen all sport black concrete flooring.
A black concrete dining table adjoins a triangular-shaped kitchen. While dated, the room has a vaulted ceiling with top-notch appliances like a Viking range and SubZero fridge.
As best as Yolanda can tell, the master bedroom is located on the third (top) level and includes a slim outdoor deck with peek-a-boo views of the mountains and surrounding treetops.
Across the landing from the master suite is a privately-situated spare bedroom and somewhere also on the top level there’s a large outdoor deck with lovely vistas. Too bad about the oddball glass observation chamber that ruins the view for folks sitting on the couch, eh?
The ground level has a low-ceilinged and carpeted room that is rather generously described in listing materials as a “gym”.
The .14-acre sloped lot means there ain’t much outside in the way of conventional yard space, but Mr. Hemmings will enjoy the private high-walled back patio and the rather untamed slope of the yard means he has plenty of space for 5 Minutes of Hiking. As far as Yolanda knows, this is the first house purchased in LA or anywhere by his 20-year-old self.
And really, kids, even though our previous comments may indicate otherwise, Yolanda actually like this house. Yes, it’s hopelessly dated. Yes, we think this is what a person who wants to live in the Birds Streets but can’t afford it would buy. But it takes us back to the days of yore, to our spangled purple one piece bathing suit, our red 1982 Buick Skylark, long nights spent at the Tit-for-Tat on exit 15 off the Turnpike.
Definitely nothing wrong with that.