Yolanda’s oft-mentioned friend Vlad the Revealer at the Celebrity Address Aerial frequently challenges us to investigate properties that have indications of being owned by an anonymous celebrity. Not that Yolanda is one to toot her own horn, but it usually doesn’t take us too long to suss out the owner’s identity. Occasionally, however, your gurl gets plain stumped! Such was the case with a stylish mid-century modern house located in the Hollywood foothills just above the bustling city of West Hollywood.
This particular house sold in a secret off-market deal more than a year ago. Property records reveal, however, that the sale price was $3,550,000 and the property was acquired by a blind trust linked to a well-known business manager with many celebrity clients. And given that the house sits right in the middle of a street that is notoriously home to multiple (in)famous folks, it was an instant given that the buyer was a star of some sort. But who? Try as we might, Yolanda just couldn’t figure it out, not for the longest gosh-darn time.
Oh, and we say “notoriously”, kids, because this street — which lies directly above the legendary Chateau Marmont — is home to one of those publicity hoggin’ Kardashians. You may recall that last July (2016), young Miss Kendall Jenner famously forked out $6,500,000 for a big modern house sold by married actors John Krasinski and Emily Blunt.
Miss Jenner, of course, straightaway called every gossip columnist in town and sternly told them to write about her new mansion and how very rich she is. So when an overzealous — ahem — fan showed up on her driveway one night and asked for her hand in marriage or some such silliness, Yolanda kinda thought she’d be game! But, alas — apparently it was not meant to be. That sassy Miss Jenner called the cops! She sure did! But not before she dialed up a few of her closest paparazzi friends to photograph the future Keeping up with the Kardashians storyline for posterity, duh.
Oh, puh-leeeeze. Come on now, gurl.
But for real — ain’t it a bit odd that these Kardashians have stalkers? If Yolanda were the arrested dude, we’d have picked someone a bit more interesting to obsess over. Miss Jenner has a pretty face but all the personality of a Maytag washing machine. We’re not hatin’, we’re just sayin’.
Anyway, after the incident, Miss Jenner went on Jimmy Kimmel’s show where she blabbed some more about her big new house and found out that her neighbors — unsurprisingly — hate her damn guts. You see, kiddies, Mr. Kimmel lives directly across the street from Miss Jenner. Ain’t that something?
We digress. And enough about those krazy Kardashians.
As they say, good things come to those who wait. Or something like that, right? After eons of sleepless nights, Yolanda finally discovered that the buyer of the aforementioned house is 27-year-old ingénue Dakota Johnson.
The Porsche-driving Miss Johnson is an actress and a Tinseltown scion, of course. Her big break came about when she scored the lead actress role in the film adaption of that freaky sex-fest book Fifty Shades of Grey, which made her an international star and grossed more than half a billion bucks worldwide. Miss Johnson has since reprised her role in the following two Fifty Shades films.
Of course, Miss Johnson is also the daughter of Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith, the latter of whom has been bouncing around Hollywood since she was a tot. Miss Johnson’s maternal grandmother is the fabulous Tippi Hedren, who killed it in one of Yolanda’s all-time favorite films: Hitchcock’s The Birds.
Yolanda hears from a good source that Miss Johnson only moved into her new Sunset Strip pad within the last few weeks. But lest you think she’s following Kendall Jenner around, think again. Remember, Miss Johnson purchased this house way back in January 2016 — a full six months before Miss Jenner came and tore up the neighborhood. Got it?
And yes, the house lies just two doors up from Jimmy Kimmel. Besides him and Miss Jenner, our gurl Sandra Bullock also owns a home on this same dead-end street.
Built in 1947 by revered mid-century architect Carl Maston, the wood-framed house features a living room with floor-to-ceiling glass walls and a kitchen with top-of-the-line appliances and Carrara marble countertops.
There are 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms within 3,210-square-feet of living space — the commodious master suite has wooden walls and a generous city-lights view.
The quarter-acre site features a lovely pool and lush grounds, plus outdoor entertainment options that include a BBQ and a firepit. Naturally, the property is completely walled, gated, and secured with cameras and all that jazz.
That’s all she wrote, folks. Yolanda is pressed for time today and we got lots more juicy stories coming up, so give your neighborhood Kardashian a bone, put them outside to go potty, and stay tuned.
Miss Johnson’s agent: Jason Oppenheim, The Oppenheim Group