Last week, Yolanda’s friend Vlad the Revealer over at Celebrity Address Aerial challenged your gurl to uncover the true identity of the buyer of a brand-spankin’-new house in the prototypical suburban neighborhood of Sherman Oaks. For the record, documents show the $1,575,000 house in question was officially sold last month (August 2016) to an opaque entity calling itself “DSPDA Trust”.
Well, although Yolanda still has no idea what “DSPDA” stands for — if indeed it stands for anything at all — we do know that the home’s proud new owner is an 18-year-old lass named Ariel Workman, better known to TV sitcom lovers around the globe as Ariel Winter.
Since 2009, since she was still in elementary school, Miss Winter has portrayed the role of Modern Family‘s Alex Dunphy, one of Ty Burrell & Julie Bowen‘s onscreen kiddies. The instant and prolonged success of the show has since made the denim-loving Miss Winter internationally famous and also a very rich young lady.
Unfortunately, her fame and fortune has also brought the curvaceous Miss Winter a great deal of time in the harsh glare of the tabloid spotlight. There was a very public estrangement from her mother. Then there have been several instances where Miss Winter has lashed out at online “haters” for alleged body-shaming. Tsk, tsk.
And let’s not forget young Miss Winter’s most traumatic life experience yet. Her child — her adorably precious, cute-as-a-button and baby-kissing Mercedes-Benz G63 AMG was wrecked. But that’s not even the tragedy! Her “whip” then suffered the indignity of after-death torture at a shady body shop off La Cienega! Miss Winter was so appalled, so incensed at the wanton neglect of her baby! In fact, she told her 2 million Instagram followers that the shop’s owners could do like Brangelina’s marriage and bust up into a million angry, spinning particles of regret for all she cared.
But then, the very next day, she mysteriously became BFFs with the shop’s owner again.
The horror! The humiliation! The ridiculous and stereotypical LA fake-ness! It all gives Yolanda a lethal case of secondhand embarrassment.
Good gracious. Yolanda doesn’t judge, kiddies, we really don’t. But we’ve just got to say something here. Why does Miss Winter always seem to have drama with somebody or something?! Either she’s just a very unlucky young lady or there’s something else a-brew here.
Now Miss Winter, take some life-changing advice from your gurl Yolanda and listen up. We know you might love your G-Wagon and think it’s the bomb or whatever you kiddies say. But really, that tank is so out now. Take a cue from the modern Thomas Edison — a sage named Miss Kylie Jenner — and trade that Cold War-era junker in for a new Range Rover Autobiography. We like black over beige. And Yolanda needs a new chauffeur. It’ll change your life. Just sayin’.
Anyway. It’s finally time to discuss the real estate.
The newly-built house is located out there in that tragic no man’s land known as the Valley. Yeah, yeah. It’s big, bad, scary place. Get over it.
A front-facing two car garage has a rather tedious frosted-glass look. Okay, this may offend some folks, but if there’s one design cliche Yolanda dislikes more than the overuse of recessed lighting, it’s those darn frosted glass garage doors. Uglyyyyyy!
From there, a wooden front door opens into a long hallway with 14-foot ceiling and a skylight. It’s perfect for displaying art and we’ve got to say that the entryway is pretty sweet.
One rather odd feature, however, is that chilled wine closet/cellar next to the living room. At first glance Yolanda thought it was a glass-walled shower! And since Miss Winter is still nowhere near the legal drinking age, we hope she or her assistant will fill the closet with organic kombucha or sparkling water or some other horrid-tasting beverage in lieu of alcohol.
Quartz countertops and stainless Viking appliances adorn the kitchen, which opens to the living and dining rooms.
The master suite is certainly luxurious albeit in a rather generic manner. The bedroom has hardwood floors, a stone fireplace, and direct access to the backyard. A master bath with a soaking tub and glass-walled shower (this one actually is a shower, Yolanda suspects) complete the offering.
In addition to the master, the home sports three other bedroom suites including the above. The 3,200-square-foot residence has a total of 4 bedrooms and 4.5 baths per the listing.
A .16-acre lot isn’t anywhere near huge but the backyard still has a decent amount of space, though it’s not at all as private as Yolanda would have expected. Maybe Miss Winter will plant some big trees or something.
Outdoor amusements include a pergola-shaded concrete terrace, a brick firepit, an outdoor fridge and a BBQ. No pool but there seems to be sufficient land to squeeze one in, should Miss Winter desire to do so.
Now y’all remember that Yolanda is currently on vacation on the beach on an island in an undisclosed area of the Caribbean. Or something like that, anyway. So don’t bother us with your whining or your foul mouths or anything else, for that matter. Cheerio!
Selling agent: Sahar Khedher, Keller Williams
Miss Winter’s agent: Matt Epstein, Berkshire Hathaway HomeService
