Today we are gonna be real upfront with everyone and admit that we have no photos of this featured house. We do apologize and beg forgiveness, and we promise to constantly strive to better ourselves in the future. And yes, we know that the reason most of y’all read this blog is for the pictures. Yolanda feels your pain, sweetie pies, we really do. But we ask that you dry your tears, contain your animosity, and kindly refrain from sending us irate emails laced with foul language (like the one we got the other day, but we digress). And above all, remember that Yolanda is here for y’all. If your therapist is out of town or booked solid for the week, we will be holding private counseling sessions at three o’clock p.m. in the Polo Lounge. Don’t be tardy for the party.
No, really — we do not have one single photograph of this house. That’s because this sale went down totally off-market. Wanna know why? Because the seller was Woodbridge Investments, the much-maligned (and now bankrupt) investment group that has been in the headlines lately. Rumors are rampant that they are soon to sell off their $400+ million portfolio of luxury Los Angeles properties. You know it, Woodbridge knows you know it, everyone knows it. So why the secrecy? Maybe because they don’t want photographs of their handiwork splashed on every real estate website? Who knows.
But we know someone out there has the house photos, and we know that someone might be reading this right now. Come on, be a doll and send us that shit! If you’re a cool cat you will do it for free because you love Yolanda, and we promise to keep your identity on the DL. But if you’re one of those mercenary types, we don’t like you as much but we will still pay you whatever pennies are left from the measly divorce settlement we received from our no-good third ex-husband Randall. Heck, we’ll even throw in a barely used can of Mr. Bubble to sweeten the pot! Dare you to say no to that.
Anyway, y’all know what to do. Hit your old lady up with those steamin’ hot pics! But we digress.
Hidden Hills is easily the wealthiest San Fernando Valley neighborhood. That statement may not startle any of y’all young’uns, but it means something to us old fogies. Back 30 years ago, Hidden Hills was kind of a slum. A nice slum full of horse poopoo. Nobody with real money wanted to be anywhere near there! Had you told someone that Hidden Hills compounds would someday sell for more than most of the best estates in Beverly Hills, you’d be laughed out of town.
But today, as everyone knows, Hidden Hills is a fancy city with guards and gates. The horse poopoo is still there, but now it lies in front of big-ass mansions. Ferraris and Bentleys whizz by the ponies. For better or worse, Hidden Hills has arrived and Celebrity™ has marched into the community, much to the unease of some longtime residents (though they can’t stay mad once they check their property value, right?)
Call it the kurse of the Kardashians.
Back in 2015, when their Ponzi scheme was still in full swing, Woodbridge coughed up the cash for five vacant lots in Hidden Hills. Three are located in the particularly swanky Ashley Ridge section of town, and the other two are hidden away on one of the city’s newest streets. The house we shall discuss is one of those two, and it was only completed a couple months ago, back in early 2018. The house next door — also owned by Woodbridge — is still under construction and will be even larger than today’s house.
Yolanda happens to know that this property has just sold for $14,950,000 (all cash!). Though the transaction is still pending bankruptcy court approval, we hear there are no objections and the deal is all but done, done, done. Ponzi scheme they may be, but Woodbridge knows how to make a legitimate buck, too. Records show they paid just $4 million for the lot (three years ago). And we highly doubt they spent $11 building the house.
Speaking of the house, we know very little about it, but supposedly it is over 10,000-square-feet in a “contemporary Traditional” style. The property has a pool and is surrounded by newly-planted trees for privacy purposes. There is or soon will be a half-size basketball court in the backyard. And that court will definitely be getting used, because although the buyer’s identity is concealed behind an LLC, Yolanda knows it is a young man named DeMar DeRozan.
Mr. DeRozan is a 6’7″ 28-year-old whippersnapper who has played professional basketball with the Toronto Raptors since 2009. And in 2016, the NBA all-star signed a five-year, $139 million contract with the Raptors. $139 mill is a huge deal, reportedly the second-biggest deal ever in the history of the NBA. For reference, Mr. DeRozan’s contract is worth more than any ever received by Kobe Bryant or Shaquille O’Neal. Some online naysayers, however, snidely insinuated that the enormous amount received by Mr. DeRozan is due more to how cash-flush NBA teams are nowadays than to his actual talents as a ball player. But we digress yet again.
So why would a dude from Toronto want a $15 million, high-maintenance estate in LA?
Well he’s got two young daughters with his baby mama Kiara Morrison, so there’s that. But more importantly, Mr. DeRozan is not from Toronto. He was born and raised in Compton (CA), and he obviously still loves living here during the off-season. Don’t we all!
Our boy’s new Hidden Hills pad is located at the end of a new cul-de-sac that will soon be lined with large mansions. But he’s already got some famous neighbors! Two doors away is little miss Kylie Jenner’s $17 million compound, and his property backs up to a ranch-style estate owned by Nicolette Sheridan of Desperate Housewives fame and fortune.
Other famous nearby neighbors include Drake, The Weeknd, Vin Scully, Paul George, Jessica Simpson, Kris Jenner, Kim Kardashian & Kanye West, Howie Mandel, Jeff Dunham, Russell Peters, Melissa Etheridge, and a bunch more people whose names we cannot remember.
We think Mr. DeRozan will enjoy his new house, because he is clearly already a fan of guard-gated communities in the San Fernando Valley. Back in 2014, he bought a house in the wilds of Tarzana, in another guard-gated (albeit much less prestigious) gated community known as Mulholland Park Estates. His current neighbors include actor/comedians Kevin Hart and Chris Tucker.
Ho hum, the 1995-built Mediterranean McMansion has a four-car garage, a double “bridal” staircase, a kitchen with two islands, and 6 bedrooms plus 7 baths. By far the most valuable aspect of the property, however, is the rare double lot. Our Mr. DeRozan has himself almost one flat acre in Tarzana with his own private basketball court! So essentially he is trading up to Hidden Hills for a bigger, better, and newer version of his current home.
Okay, enough already. The pics, dammit!